Nursery Camera

A few days ago, I mentioned in a post my fears about going back to work. My husband, who returned to work a couple of weeks ago, has tried to tell me that I will probably find work helpful. If I had any other job, I might would agree. Most people have the luxury of working a 8-5 type job where they come home to their house every night, watch their own TV, sleep in their own bed, and kiss their husband goodnight. When my husband returned to work, he had to travel 3 1/2 hours away to do so. Since he's been back at work, he has only returned home one weekend for 3 days. I too am faced with leaving the comfort of my home when I return back to work. I work as a script supervisor for a television show called Homeland. Incidentally, if you haven't seen it - get Showtime! It is one of the most well written and acted shows out there today. The only problem with working on the show is that it films 4 hours away from my home. So for 5 months out of the year I live in Charlotte, NC where the show films as opposed to living in my own home. Now some people might say, so what's the big deal. Usually, it isn't such a big deal. But when you work a minimum of 12 hour days, Monday thru Friday and never the same times each day you often can't come home on weekends. It is virtually impossible to plan anything out of town for the weekend, including attending birthday parties for friends or anything else that might come up. One Friday I might get off at 9pm, the next Friday it might be 3am. You just never know. So the prospect of only being able to come home for long weekends is daunting.

But, the biggest concern for me was being away from my husband, dogs and my house. In particular, being away from the nursery. The nursery has ironically become a source of comfort for me. At one point it was as if the nursery had a plague and we were scared to death to go in there, but once we did I realized there was a source of comfort that the nursery provided that nowhere else did. It is such a beautiful and serene place that it just draws you in. When we had Nolan's memorial service it seemed as if everyone found themselves wondering in to the nursery at some point and just sitting and taking in the peacefulness. Now we always keep the nursery door open. While I don't go in there every day, I walk by the open door multiple times a day. It is a comfort for me to look in there every day and know I can go sit in there any time I want. I often do go and sit in there in the recliner and rock while I write in a journal to Nolan. For me, this is part of my healing process and I'm not yet ready to let it go.

After reading my blog a few days ago, my husband informed me that while I won't be able to physically go in to the nursery while I'm away, I can view it. For one of our baby showers we received the iZon monitor. For those that don't know about it, it is a small monitor that connects to your wireless home network. It then allows you to view the camera on your iPad or iPhone (or iPod) from anywhere. We had originally thought this would be a good way for me to see the baby while I was at work. Unbeknown to me, Marshall had set this camera up before he left for Charleston. So after reading my blog, he told me that he had just checked on his iPad and the camera was working great. I know it will take some time to get used to not being able to physically go in to the nursery, but this is a great alternative for me. It does allow me to look at the nursery whenever I want. Marshall set it up where it had a view of the chair I like to sit in and the nightlight that we always leave burning. It helps to ease one of my fears about returning to work knowing that whenever I'm down I can always pull up the nursery camera and hopefully it will give me the peace I am looking for.