Books: Mirrors of the Soul

So my cousin Jay has gone away for a couple of days and left me and the dogs in his big house by ourselves. I would say his big empty house only his house is far from empty. If you were to look at Jay and I, you would probably not think we are related. We don't look much alike, that's for sure. But, one thing the two of us have in common is books. We love them. We buy them. We read them. We keep them. Marshall doesn't understand this about me. He is constantly telling me to get rid of my books that I've already read. He doesn't understand that I just can't do that. Not being much of a reader, Marshall certainly doesn't understand keeping a book after you have actually managed to read it. I'm sure several of my cousins would agree with him. In fact, a lot of people probably would. But, I'm sure any other English major out there would totally understand me and my cousin Jay. Now having both a BA and a MA in English, I acquired a good many books. Since getting my MA in 2004, I've acquired even more. I have a Barnes & Nobles member card for goodness sake. I can't let it go to waste!

I have to read a lot for my job - scripts that is. Every script that I work on, I've read numerous times. So reading things over again is something I'm okay with. Thus, getting rid of a previously read book is out of the question for I never know when I might want to reread it. In fact, before leaving for Charlotte I just rebought the book Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner because I hadn't been able to find it for some time and thought I would like to reread it. I have yet to reread it, but I did bring it with me to Charlotte. I go through phases of reading. Sometimes I read prolifically. Other times I can't even crack one open. But, I am always buying books. I am one of those people that can spend all day in a bookstore. I dream of what my own personal library will look like one day. In fact, in one of my journals I have a printed off picture of my library. It looks a bit like the one from Beauty and the Beast - fireplace, grand piano, spiral staircases that lead to a reading loft. Ahhh. One day. Some people dream of riches and gold, I dream of a very large library to call my own. I know, it's weird. But, if I ever do become wealthy I will have a large enough house to accommodate my now more realistic view of my own personally library.

It still entails a loft and floor to ceiling books, but on a much smaller scale. I still wouldn't mind a fireplace and a baby grand piano would be divine, but I can manage without. For me, books have always been a source of comfort. Maybe it's the writer in me, or maybe it was because I was an only child. I don't know. I've always found that I don't feel so alone when I read a book. So tonight as I look and see myself surround by books, I feel as though I'm not alone in this big house with just my dogs. The floor to ceiling walls of books that surround me blanket me with the pages full of words. It's like being in a room with lots of people talking but you aren't really listening to any of them. Instead, you just soak in the hum of gabber knowing that you are surrounded.

Virginia Wolfe said that "books are the mirrors of the soul." Maybe that's why I have so many and they are very diverse. I, like most women, am complex. But, the books I own all relay something about my past. They were either books I read for research or school, or books that interested me during a specific point in my life. They chronicle the life of my soul. I went through a phase where I was fascinated with people and the development of characters based on real life people in my writing. During this phase, I collected a good collection of memoirs and autobiographies. The choices of memoirs though are not what one might expect - Anais Nin and Augusten Burroughs to name a few. Yes I guess I've always gravitated to the bizarre. I will be interested to see what this phase of my life produces in regards to my library. I can't imagine it will be too bright and cheery. Nevertheless, I will buy these books, read them or put them away for future reading in the hopes that one day they will all be a part of some fabulous personal library in my house.

My cousin Jay, on the other hand, has already begun his personal library. Where I have one room at my house with one wall completely full of books and another wall half full, Jay has a whole house full. Seriously, every where you look - Books. As I am sitting in my bedroom writing this right now there are books all around me. It's almost comically actually. If Jay was actually married I'm sure the book situation would not be this out of control. Sure he would have them all, but I'm sure there would be more rhyme and reason to their whereabouts. Instead, they are shoved in nearly every nook and cranny Jay can possibly find to put them. Cicero once said that "a room without books is like a body without a soul." Well if that's true, Jay's house has plenty of soul.