At the end of every day on a film set, after the last shot is filmed wrap is called meaning the day is over. Likewise, at the end of every show when the last day of filming is done we have what we call a Wrap Party. Since yesterday was the last day of filming on Army Wives for Season 6, tonight they had the wrap party. Generally, Marshall isn't a big fan of wrap parties so we tend to go early and leave early. Primarily because wrap parties are generally associated with lots of free booze and can turn into a lush fest pretty quickly and since Marshall doesn't drink it can quickly become uninteresting to any sober participants. Nevertheless, we went to the Army Wives wrap party tonight in downtown Charleston's Harbor Club. It was actually one of the better wrap parties Army Wives has put on. The place was nice, the gag real was funny and what I had of the food was really good.
I know Marshall felt a sense of relief yesterday after filming, but probably more so today at the wrap party knowing that this season was over for him. He's been saying for weeks now that if he could just get off this show he might be able to continue his healing process. For him, he needed this season to be over in order to get some closure to Nolan's death. I get that. Marshall was down in Charleston working on Army Wives the night I called him from the hospital to tell him Nolan had died and he needed to come home. He left the show to come home for 6 weeks to be with me and to grieve. So for Marshall, this season of Army Wives was tainted with the death of our son. By going back to work, Marshall had to face a lot of the things he left when he got the tragic news. When I started back to work, my circumstances were different. I wasn't on Homeland when Nolan passed away. I was on a movie that I never went back to for they were done filming by the time I was physically able to go back to work.
So tonight, Marshall closed the chapter of Army Wives Season 6. Perhaps there will be a season 7 and perhaps Marshall will be on it but season 7 won't hold the memory of our son's death. Season 6 will always be the season that Nolan passed away. The rest of that year at work will be a blur to Marshall. In fact, I doubt Marshall could recount a single day at work since he's been back. I know for me I find that I can focus long enough to do my job for the day, but ask me today what happened yesterday and I probably won't recount much detail. It's a weird thing the way the mind works. I normally am that person that remembers everything, sometimes to a fault if you were to ask Marshall. Nowadays, if I don't write it down I absolutely don't remember it. I find myself going to Target 3 times before I remember everything I was supposed to get the first time. It's oddly frustrating. But then I remember that my brain is probably still in shock or denial or just plain out confused. It probably spends 99% of its time just trying to make me function throughout the day that when it finally has a chance to reset itself, it does just that.
And so every day is like that day in the movie
Groundhog's Day where the same day keeps repeating itself over and over again. Always my brain is expecting a different result by doing the same things - get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to bed. So far, I haven't had a different result. I still feel numb and discombobulated. My world has yet to seem right or even remotely back on the right track. Maybe for Marshall by finally being off Army Wives and away from Charleston his day will end with a different result. Perhaps by closing the chapter on season 6 he can find some closure with Nolan's death and can move forward in his healing process. I hope that for him and I hope that once home he can do some surfing and boating and hanging out with friends and he can find some happiness again. I know eventually we will both get there and that eventually life will get easier again but until then we will just take one chapter at a time and try to find some closure along the way.
So tonight, Marshall closed the chapter of Army Wives Season 6. Perhaps there will be a season 7 and perhaps Marshall will be on it but season 7 won't hold the memory of our son's death. Season 6 will always be the season that Nolan passed away. The rest of that year at work will be a blur to Marshall. In fact, I doubt Marshall could recount a single day at work since he's been back. I know for me I find that I can focus long enough to do my job for the day, but ask me today what happened yesterday and I probably won't recount much detail. It's a weird thing the way the mind works. I normally am that person that remembers everything, sometimes to a fault if you were to ask Marshall. Nowadays, if I don't write it down I absolutely don't remember it. I find myself going to Target 3 times before I remember everything I was supposed to get the first time. It's oddly frustrating. But then I remember that my brain is probably still in shock or denial or just plain out confused. It probably spends 99% of its time just trying to make me function throughout the day that when it finally has a chance to reset itself, it does just that.
And so every day is like that day in the movie Groundhog's Day where the same day keeps repeating itself over and over again. Always my brain is expecting a different result by doing the same things - get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to bed. So far, I haven't had a different result. I still feel numb and discombobulated. My world has yet to seem right or even remotely back on the right track. Maybe for Marshall by finally being off Army Wives and away from Charleston his day will end with a different result. Perhaps by closing the chapter on season 6 he can find some closure with Nolan's death and can move forward in his healing process. I hope that for him and I hope that once home he can do some surfing and boating and hanging out with friends and he can find some happiness again. I know eventually we will both get there and that eventually life will get easier again but until then we will just take one chapter at a time and try to find some closure along the way.
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