Everlasting Footprints

It was one of those days where we have a scene that we shoot and shoot and shoot until I am pretty sure the entire crew can recite all the dialogue themselves. It's days like this that after a while I'm pretty sure everyone, including the actors, are just going through the motions. Usually, days like this would completely bore me for after awhile the actors have their dialogue and their actions so engrained into their minds that I have absolutely nothing left to do but time each take and write it down. But today, I'm actually thankful to be able to relax a bit. It's been a draining sort of week. Not because work is overly difficult for I think I'm finally starting to get back into the groove of work and being able to focus all day. The problem is that I put so much energy into focusing on work all day that when work is finally over I am totally exhausted mentally. This is always when my emotions get the best of me. I have found myself every day riding home from work in tears. It's the time when I allow myself to really think of Nolan and to be sad about losing him. I try to limit my tears to merely my ride home, but sometimes they linger around once I'm in my apartment alone. It's when I come back to the apartment in tears that I really miss having the dogs and Marshall around. If they were here, I know they could bring a smile to my face.

I have found that one thing that has brought me some comfort this week is the pendant I received in the mail on Monday. A month or so ago, I ordered online a sterling silver pendant with an etching of Nolan's footprint engraved in it and his initials. Last week it came in the mail so my mom sent it to me via Fedex and I received it on set on Monday. The jeweler Jak Figler found out about our situation and ended up including a 2nd pendant for us for free so Marshall could have one too. Ever since I received the footprint on Monday I have been wearing it on my necklace and have found myself subconsciously rubbing the footprint whenever I am feeling uneasy. My friend Tifni who lost her son Brody had given me the suggestion to getting the footprint pendant and I'm so glad she did. It really does give me some comfort to wear it. I sort of feel as though I have Nolan close to my heart wearing his footprint around my neck. Whenever I look at it I'm reminded of that saying, "even the smallest of feet have the power to leave everlasting footprints upon this world." Nolan certainly left his footprint on this world: from the 50 trees gifted in his name, the 2 stars named after him, the autistic child that will attend surfer's healing camp and the footprints he left upon mine and his dad's hearts.