A year ago this time I was traveling to Charlotte to work on season one of Homeland. Even though I had worked on numerous movies and plenty of TV shows, this would be the first TV show where I was the primary script supervisor. It was a big deal for me and a huge show. I was so excited. Having worked on the pilot for Homeland in January of 2011, I knew the show had the potential to be great. It's amazing what a year can do. Now it was with trepidation that I made the trip up to Charlotte to begin work on season two. I was now going to be walking in on a show that had already been filming for over a month, and for the last two weeks had been filming in Charlotte. The producers kindly let me take some additional time as I informed them I just didn't think I would be ready to come back to work in May. But now it was June and it was time for me to go back to work. It had been over 10 weeks since Nolan had died. In some ways, 10 very long weeks. In others, 10 extremely short weeks.
The sky seemed to reflect my sentiment tonight as I drove and rain poured down from the Heavens. Even though I was feeling somewhat better about having to leave my house, I now had to leave my husband. My only saving grace was that I can't move in to my apartment until Friday and so my cousin Jay graciously allowed me to stay with him for the first few days. At least I wouldn't be going to some empty new apartment by myself or, even worse, some sterile hotel room. I would see a friendly face and have some company. It was after 9pm when I finally pulled in to Jay's driveway, but thankfully Jay was a night owl. He helped me carry my stuff in and then chatted a bit with me before I eventually had to excuse myself to get ready for bed.
Tomorrow I have to go to the office and say hello to everyone. Some of the hellos are surely going to be difficult. I'm sure a lot of people won't know what to say to me and so some won't say anything at all. And that's okay. I wouldn't know what to say to me either. What do you say to someone who loses their baby for no apparent reason? I'm sorry seems such a trivial thing to say and, in a way, it is. Sometimes I wish people would just pretend as though nothing happened and treat me like they always do. Instead, I know everyone is going to have kid gloves on around me. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. It's like Marshall said. At his work several guys have recently had babies. Ours was the only one that died. Now Marshall says they appear to not talk about their babies around him or stop talking when he comes near. We aren't bitter at other people's happiness. Yes it does seem cruel that people that don't even want babies have perfectly healthy ones while ours dies, but I'm not going to fault them for that. At least I have my "babies" here in Charlotte with me for a few weeks. The dogs are great company and will help me to adjust to being in Charlotte, especially on Friday when I move in to my own place.
A year ago this time I was traveling to Charlotte to work on season one of Homeland. Even though I had worked on numerous movies and plenty of TV shows, this would be the first TV show where I was the primary script supervisor. It was a big deal for me and a huge show. I was so excited. Having worked on the pilot for Homeland in January of 2011, I knew the show had the potential to be great. It's amazing what a year can do. Now it was with trepidation that I made the trip up to Charlotte to begin work on season two. I was now going to be walking in on a show that had already been filming for over a month, and for the last two weeks had been filming in Charlotte. The producers kindly let me take some additional time as I informed them I just didn't think I would be ready to come back to work in May. But now it was June and it was time for me to go back to work. It had been over 10 weeks since Nolan had died. In some ways, 10 very long weeks. In others, 10 extremely short weeks.
Tomorrow I have to go to the office and say hello to everyone. Some of the hellos are surely going to be difficult. I'm sure a lot of people won't know what to say to me and so some won't say anything at all. And that's okay. I wouldn't know what to say to me either. What do you say to someone who loses their baby for no apparent reason? I'm sorry seems such a trivial thing to say and, in a way, it is. Sometimes I wish people would just pretend as though nothing happened and treat me like they always do. Instead, I know everyone is going to have kid gloves on around me. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. It's like Marshall said. At his work several guys have recently had babies. Ours was the only one that died. Now Marshall says they appear to not talk about their babies around him or stop talking when he comes near. We aren't bitter at other people's happiness. Yes it does seem cruel that people that don't even want babies have perfectly healthy ones while ours dies, but I'm not going to fault them for that. At least I have my "babies" here in Charlotte with me for a few weeks. The dogs are great company and will help me to adjust to being in Charlotte, especially on Friday when I move in to my own place.
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