Ice Cream

For the last 6 weeks I've been on this diet regimen that I have refused to break. It all started when I went for my 6 week checkup after Nolan was born. I had decided that once I was cleared medically to return to all activities, I was going to hit the gym running. Well, not exactly running... more like dancing. Since I took to Zumba so well, I was determined that I was going to dance my way fit again. I had set a goal for myself that before Marshall and I got pregnant again I wanted to be back down to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Over the weekend, Marshall and I decided to start trying to get pregnant again. Now I'm not quite back down to my target weight, but I'm certainly on the right track. I've lost 20 of the  nearly 30 pounds I gained with Nolan and I feel the best I've felt in a long time. I also plan to continue the exercise regimen whether I become pregnant or not, but the dieting will have to cease. At least by then hopefully I will be in the mindset to eat healthier since I have gotten out of the habit of sodas, processed foods and snacks. It's as though the death of my infant son really made me evaluate my own health. Now I'm not an unhealthy person by any means and I'm of normal weight for my size, but I could stand to be more fit and a little bit more conscious about what goes into my body. But after weeks of no candy, no snacks, no sodas, no anything the slightest bit unhealthy, I decided to splurge a little. After all, if you don't allow yourself to have it every once in awhile you are more likely to go off the diet and stay off it. So today when our director got an ice cream truck for the crew, I indulge. No cone though, just the one scoop of ice cream but it was enough. In fact, I couldn't even finish it all. I figured it was my treat for feeling like I'm far enough along in my healing that I'm able to consider having another baby. Who knows when we might actually become pregnant, but at least we've taken a huge leap in the right direction. We are willing and able to try it again, knowing we will be scared beyond belief for the entire 9 months. Most people expect some reprieve after the first trimester, but after having a stillborn baby late in the third trimester I think it's safe to say we will receive no reprieve from our angst the next go round. But for now I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to eat my ice cream and remind myself that with each new hurdle we face and conquer there will be other rewards ahead for us. Hopefully, one day we will receive the biggest reward imaginable - another baby that we are able to take home, love, and watch grow up.