Oct 8, 2013
Traditionally, when one thinks of a color associated with a little baby boy they automatically think of blue. When I think of my two little boys, blue only comes to mind when referencing my son Ronan's eyes. For Nolan, my angel, it's the color white and for Ronan, my rainbow baby, it's the color of the rainbow and yellow (my sunshine after the storm). When planning Nolan's nursery blue and green were the first two colors we had in mind and so began the ocean themed nursery. But once my Nolan passed, all the color faded out of my life. I began to see everything in black and white and so I chose to see Nolan as the white light in my life. For me it was the color that represented purity in its rawest form and was most often the color associated with angels. It was also the color of all the seashells that we threw into the ocean on the day of his memorial service. All the shells had words that were meant to represent "wishes" for Nolan. They had been made for his baby shower, but ironically forgotten about until after. I kept one shell and put it in Nolan's shadow box, along with a photo of his feet and his "Nolan" bracelet the nurses at the hospital made him. The shell reads simply, "love." For Nolan's urn Marshall and I picked out a seashell since that had somehow become our representation of him. Later I would receive a book on grief from my aunt entitled, "My Beautiful Broken Shell." I don't know if my aunt ever realized just how profound a meaning that book had on me. My favorite "shell" now has become a starfish. Since Nolan has two stars in the sky named after him I think it's only fitting to depict him as a guiding star in our life, yet he will always be deeply connected to the ocean in our minds. The starfish is the epitome of both images and thus the perfect symbol for Nolan. It is no wonder then that for Christmas Marshall and I chose a white stocking with white shells and baby blue starfish for Nolan. It was the most perfect stocking for our perfect angel.
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