Oct 17, 2013
It's been 1 year, 6 months and 17 days since Nolan passed away. Some days it feels like an eternity, other days it feels like it was just yesterday. When I looks back on the time, so much has happened during that year and a half. I believe that what little bit of sanity I have is due to my son Ronan. If I hadn't occupied myself with focusing on a healthy pregnancy and bringing him into the world healthy that first year would have been nearly impossible to get through. I knew sometimes that being pregnant again was the only thing giving me hope of a happier ever after. In my darkest moments, I clung to the promises that "something like that just doesn't happen twice." I heard that said to me so many times that I actually started to believe that maybe it was true. It was like being struck by lighting. If you were fortunate enough to survive it the first time, you certainly would never be struck again. I tried not to think about the people who had been struck twice. I had to believe I wasn't going to be one of those people. It was my only saving grace. The belief that this time my son would be born healthy and alive. And then he was. The 7 months since Ronan's birth have been the most healing 7 months since Nolan's death. I look at Ronan and know we wouldn't have him if Nolan hadn't died and I can't imagine Ronan not being in my life. He is the happiest, smartest little fella I can only imagine that he is here for a greater purpose. He's not only our salvation, he's our everything.
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