Day 3: Myths

Day 3: Myths
Oct 3, 2013

There were three big myths about grief that I experienced after losing Nolan.

1. That the loss of an infant shouldn't be that great since you didn't really know the child.

Anyone who thinks this obviously doesn't have children and certainly never carried a child for 9 months only to birth the baby and hold him in your arms while he slept perfectly peaceful, yet devastatingly still. I interacted with Nolan for 9 months. I felt him kick and move, hiccup and roll. I saw him practice breathing on the ultrasound and heard his heart beat. I felt him react to my husband's voice with little kicks. I loved him before I ever even laid eyes on him. He was my baby and I was his Momma.

2. That all losses are the same. 

I have lost quite a few people in my life that were extremely close to me but none hurt as deeply as the loss of my child. I even had an early term miscarriage prior to having Nolan and to make a comparison between that and the death of Nolan is unfathomable. To lose a child for no explainable reason when you know if only they had already been born they would most likely still be with us today is a pain so deep that just thinking of it shatters my world all over again.

3. That once we had a "healthy" baby the loss of Nolan would dissipate. 

The moment I heard Ronan's first cries a wave of relief flooded over me but also it rehashed a lot of memories of Nolan. The moment I laid eyes on Ronan I couldn't help but compare how much he resembled his older brother. The full head of brunette hair, the almond shaped eyes and those oh so precious sweetheart lips. Every time Ronan grabbed ahold of my pendant with Nolan's footprint my heart broke knowing he would never get to play with his big brother. Ronan's love and brightness has taught Marshall and I how to live and laugh again but he has in no way made us forget about Nolan.