Oct 10, 2013
When a tragedy happens we often grapple for answers of any sort to help us cope with the pain. Why me? Why did God to this to us? Why my baby? These are all questions I asked over and over again. I finally came to the conclusion that God didn't do this to us. What God would want a baby to die and what kind of God would want to see parents go through the agony of dealing with the death of their child. No, Mother Nature did this to us. Something happened to Nolan that was unexplainable but it happened and it happened for a reason. I like to believe it's so we could have Ronan. If Nolan had lived there would have been no way possible that we would have gotten pregnant so quickly again as we were pregnant a mere 3 months after Nolan's death. I do like to believe that while God couldn't keep Nolan from dying, he could put in place a wonderful support network for us to help us cope. The people we met, almost immediately in the hospital, proved to be just who we needed in our lives at that exact moment to help us along our journey to healing. One such person has since become one of my dearest friends as we are tied together by a bond not most can comprehend.
I do believe that Nolan is still with us and I believe Ronan and our dog can see him. Right after Nolan died, our dog JoJo who never leaves our side was often found in the nursery. Prior to Nolan's death she would never go in there. I would find her just sitting in there in front of the crib staring off into space. This was very odd behavior for her but I've always heard that dogs can see spirits and ghosts and I believe it. I believe that she was seeing Nolan. When Ronan was born he would laugh in his sleep even as young as a few days old. My grandmother used to say when babies laugh in their sleep it's because they are seeing angels. Ronan laughs in his sleep a lot. He also takes to staring off into space and smiling and laughing while in his nursery. Marshall and I both feel as though when he does this it's because he is seeing his brother. I hope that Ronan always has a spiritual connection with his brother. I can sometimes feel a presence in our house even though I personally can never see him, I know that Nolan is there with us. 
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