The Dreaded Week

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant and it's the week I've been dreading for the past 8 months. I found out I had lost Nolan when I was 33 weeks and 6 days. Needless to say, this is going to be a very long week but I'm hopeful that once I'm past the point in my pregnancy where I lost Nolan I will be able to not be so anxious. Last night I got virtually no sleep. The anxiety of the pregnancy has finally got the best of me. I know Marshall thinks that I would feel better if someone was staying with me, but honestly unless they are able to sit there and make sure the baby is moving while I sleep I don't see how they could be any help. My anxiety is not from being alone. My anxiety is that I have a baby in me that could very well live outside of me now and yet I'm stuck with him in me and just hoping nothing goes wrong this time.

My appointment today wasn't until the afternoon so I spent the day sitting on the couch and doing kick counts making sure the baby was moving constantly. My blood pressure that is normally really great was up from a normal 100-110 to 132 today at my visit. After doing my vitals and my urine test, they escorted me into ultrasound for the BPP test. The baby was really moving this afternoon and passed all 8 points of the test in no time. He was breathing really good and doing good movements and the fluid levels looked great. In fact, we had so much time left for the ultrasound test before I was to see Dr. McLean that the ultrasound tech let me just watch his profile awhile and she snapped a few pictures of him for me. He was sticking his tongue out and looked really great. It gave me a sigh of relief for now at least. His heartbeat was 140 today. Dr. McLean told me everything looked good and that my amnio would be scheduled before I came back to see her next week.

After I left my appointment, I headed over to sign up for ukelele classes. Marshall gave me a ukelele for Christmas and I figured taking lessons might give me something to take my mind off of things for the next few weeks. Classes start next Thursday and Susan said she would take them with me. Knowing I was anxious this week, Shea texted me to come meet her and Tynik for dinner. I met them at the the food court at the mall. Tynik rubbed my belly when he saw me and said hi to the baby. I showed him the picture of the baby's hand we had and he thought it was really cool. He was sad his "Uncle Marsh" couldn't join us for dinner but asked me to take a picture of him and send it to Marshall. At least this afternoon and early evening I had a reprieve from all my anxieties as I'm sure they will creep up again around bed time.

When I left dinner around 6:30pm, Marshall called and he was already off work! That early on a Friday afternoon was unheard of. I was excited that he would actually be home tonight at a decent time, hopefully around 10pm. Of course, as soon as Marshall gets into Wilmington he takes a wrong turn and ended up prolonging his trip home by about 20-30 minutes. Oh well, at least he made it safe and sound and now we have a pretty decent weekend together.