Another meaning associated with the Celtic Tree of Life is rebirth. It was believed that the Tree of Life connected the upper and lower words - its roots penetrating into the depths and connecting with the lower world, its branches growing and stretching to the heaven and the trunk remaining in the plane of earth. It was thought that gods in the heaven used the trees to communicate with humans and some of the trees were even capable of carrying messages to the "Otherworld." I found this belief the most interesting today. I'm not sure why exactly, but last week while in Charleston I got it into my head that I wanted a Tree of Life ring. Not being able to find one there, Marshall and I stumbled into T.S. Brown Jewelry Store today in downtown Wilmington. I wasn't in the store two minutes and I had found a Tree of Life ring and purchased it. When I got home I was intrigued to know more about the Tree of Life and its meaning. I wasn't sure exactly why I had been drawn to have one but in reading more I found out why.
The Tree of Life could symbolize a rebirth in me and my way of living after Nolan. Certainly I have forever been changed by his presence in my life and how his death affected me. I don't know that anyone could endure the death of a child and not be profoundly affected by it. As people struggled to help us find a reason for Nolan's death that medicine and science couldn't provide, it was mentioned to me that Nolan was nearly a full term baby at only 34 weeks. Had he lived the extra 6 weeks in utero that most babies live, he would have probably been a very large baby. Being a petite woman it was speculate by some that perhaps Nolan died when he did because if he didn't he would have killed me. It is strange to think that in this day and age women still die by childbirth. It is estimated that about 13 out of 100,000 women die in childbirth. That may seem miniscule compared to the estimated infant mortality of 679 out of 100,000 live births and the estimated 1 in 160 births ending in stillbirth! Nonetheless, I personally know of someone who's wife died during childbirth within the last few years. Maybe my friends' speculation was correct. Maybe had Nolan lived, I would have died. We will never know the answer to that but if that is true than indeed I have been reborn. Nolan gave me life by sacrificing his own.
I do like to also think of the Tree of Life as a way to communicate with the Heavens. By wearing a Tree of Life it allows me the comfort of knowing that Nolan can still be in communication with me and I with him. Marshall long ago got a Tree of Life tattoo on his arm. He got it for its Celtic meaning of harmony and balance in the universe, but I have to wonder if he too has thought that it now has more meaning than he ever anticipated. It is ironic that now three of his tattoos that had perhaps one dimensional meanings for him have now taken on such strong meanings. His Tree of Life that once just represented his Irish background and Buddhist beliefs in being one with nature now can mean his rebirth and his ability to communicate with the Heavens and Nolan. His praying hands that once was also just a Celtic emblem now can represent his angel in Heaven. "Until We Meet Again" are the words Marshall chose to tattoo to remind him of his personal struggle, his time in AA and an Irish Blessing he loves. It is also the line in the blessing we chose to read at Nolan's memorial service and have engraved on Nolan's plaque. For both of us, the Tree of Life has given us a life beyond Nolan's death, a life in which we exist and our little boy doesn't.
To find out more about Stillbirth: March Of Dimes
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