Not All Who Wander Are Lost

After being cleared to resume all activities by my doctor, I decided yesterday to try Zumba and I loved it. Today, I tried another class and enjoyed it even more. While I originally decided to go try Zumba because I wanted to shed the extra baby weight I still have, I realized while in class today that exercising numbs my mind. I don't think about my baby I lost or my friends having babies or my husband that is 3 1/2 hours away - all I think about is the music and trying to remember the dance steps so I don't trip and fall flat on my face. I keep thinking of this book I once read called "Good in Bed" by Jennifer Weiner. It really has very little to do with my situation except that the main character is pregnant and she ends up in the hospital unexpectedly having her baby prematurely. Her baby, however, ends up living. But Cannie (the main character) ends up leaving the hospital alone because her baby must stay in the hospital. To deal with her pain from watching her baby struggle for life and the pain over her broken relationship Cannie starts walking. And she walks and walks and walks until all her weight is finally gone. In the book she talks about how she would just walk and end up confused because she had no idea where she had just walked to. It was as if she was blindly walking around. I feel that way most of the time. As if I am just blindly stumbling through this world and if I don't pay attention I will get completely lost.

I zumbad my way through the afternoon and made it to Idol night with the friends. Definitely my favorite night of the week, especially now that Marshall has left. On Idol nights I am assured there will be good food, good friends and lots of good times. Most of all there will be laughter to balance the moments in my day that are far from happy. For the first time ever, we invaded Dino's house for our Idol festivities and we even managed to get Dino to make Pasta e fagioli for us. After yelling at the Idol judges for a bit and making fun of Joshua's gospel scream, we took the party upstairs to Dino's bonus room where we played his drums and hung upside down in his traction machine. It was a great way to end my day and keeping me from doing some more wandering around lost in this world by myself.