Baby Mine

I think most all women have that one movie that they watch whenever they want a good cry. Well, mine is Beaches. To me, it is the saddest movie ever made yet I continue to watch it over and over again. I don't know whether it is the story or the music that gets to me the most but no matter how many times I see it, I cry. For me, the songs that make up the soundtrack of Beaches have even a deeper meaning than the movie itself.

When I was 12 years old, my Nana passed away (my mother's mother). She died in the hospital from colon cancer. My mom and her sister sat by her side the whole time. My uncles and grandfather could not stand to be there and watch her die and eventually left the room. My mom sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" to Nana while she held her hand. Nana loved to hear my mom sing and I'm sure it was comfort to her at the time. It was also the last song she would ever hear my Mom sing. But, I also know my mother would never be able to hear that song again and not think of Nana. Songs are funny like that. Truly powerful songs have a way of bringing you back to a time and a place just as they can also help you to heal. The same year that my Nana passed away, I danced in my school talent show to "Wind Beneath My Wings." My mom said she cried the whole performance. Without a doubt, I know it was the song that brought tears to my mother's eyes, not my dance.

Today while doing some work in the office, I had iTunes on randomly playing songs of its own choosing. JoJo was keeping me company by napping in the middle of the office floor. After a few hours of me working and JoJo napping, iTunes picked a Bette Midler song to play - "Baby Mine." As I listened to the words, thinking of Nolan something amazing happened. JoJo got up and left the room, walking towards the nursery. I waited a few minutes and then followed her. And there she was, laying at the threshold to the nursery. She normally lays in thresholds only when there are multiple people in the house. I think it is her way of being able to keep tabs on everyone in the house. When Marshall is home and in the living room and I'm in the office, JoJo lays in the threshold to the office. When I'm home alone and in the office she lays in the middle of the floor or under my desk. If one of us is in the bedroom and the other in the living room, she lays in the threshold to the bedroom. I found it truly amazing that during a song that brought Nolan to my mind, it also brought him to hers. Maybe his spirit lingers in the nursery and maybe dogs really do have a deeper, more spiritual understanding of things than we could have ever imagined. I don't know the answer, but what I do know is that I was not the only one to think of him at that moment. I also know that Nolan wasn't just mine and Marshall's baby. JoJo also thought he belonged to her and had he lived she would have been so protective over him. She probably would have spent more nights sleeping in the nursery with him than in our room with us. "Baby Mine" is just as much a lullaby from me to Nolan as it is from JoJo to Nolan. Marshall and I often imagined how she would be with him. He probably would have rolled his cars all over her and she would have loved it. She would have been like the tree in Shel Silverstein's book "The Giving Tree." JoJo would have given everything she had for Nolan, even when she had nothing left to give.

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