New Years Eve

This morning we had a consult appointment with Marshall's cardiologist. Ever since Marshall went to Duke, he has been more and more anxious about the news he was given. After sitting down with Dr. Meine, Marshall and I both felt much better about the whole situation. The likelihood of him having to have surgery within the year is much less than we had previously thought. Dr. Meine said probably within the next year and a half to two years if his aorta continues to expand as it has been. We will know much more at Marshall's next echo in May. There also isn't any risk of his aorta bursting as we had previously thought. Dr. Meine told Marshall his aorta wasn't fragile like those of his typical patients because of his age. Also, because of his age and his good physical condition, his recovery time is going to less than half of a normal candidate for this surgery. The doctor also ended up putting him on a very low dose of blood pressure medicine. Marshall had been wanting to be on something ever since his appointment at Duke. He's been checking his blood pressure daily and the systolic number has always been in the 140-150 range. Fortunately, the doctor agreed that it would be best to make it a little lower to help in preserving the aorta. All in all, we walked away from there and Marshall breathed a huge sigh of relief. So we are looking at open heart surgery in the next couple of years for Marshall, but it was nowhere near as imminent as we had previously thought.

We stopped by the grocery store on the way home so I could pick up some stuff to make for the New Year's party tonight at Susan and Stacey's neighborhood. Yesterday, I had found a recipe on Pinterest for taco balls and they sound simple and good enough so I decided to try them. Of course, Marshall wanted to try one as soon as he smelled them cooking, so we split one and it was great! Success. I packed up the rest of them and we changed and headed over to Leland for the Oyster Roast. Marshall had himself some oysters, which I wouldn't have had even if I wasn't pregnant. I like some seafood, but oysters is not on that list.

We stayed until about 9:30pm and then said our goodbyes and headed home. The drinking games were about to start and we both were pretty tired. At home, we turned on a movie and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up it was 12:04am. We missed the ball drop! Oh well. We said happy new years to each other and went to bed. So much for the exciting new years celebrations. I was just too exhausted to make myself stay awake for that long. Before I fell back asleep, I started getting text messages from family and friends wishing me a happy new year. They obviously don't know my pregnant butt can't stay up that late anymore!

RX

As if we didn't get enough of it yesterday, this morning Susan, Marshall and I went back to RX for brunch. A friend of mine and Susan's from high school, Brad, was in town with a friend staying at Wrightsville Beach for the weekend and had made plans to have brunch with us. It had been years since I had seen Brad. It was great as always and the food was just as good as it was yesterday. Marshall actually passed on the chili cheeseburger today and settled on breakfast food instead. I too went with breakfast food as I ordered french toast. Excellent choice! Brad ordered the pig ears for an appetizer. Brian had ordered them yesterday but I had not been convinced to try them then. Today, however, I was more daring so I tried one. I don't know that I would ever actually order them myself, but they weren't half bad. I'm beginning to see all the hype about this restaurant and am so proud of my friends that own it! I hope they continue to have such great success.

When we left there, Susan, Marshall and I headed to Kickback Jack's to watch the Panther game. There we met Mike, Keith and Dino. I had no intention on ordering anything, but Marshall ordered a pizza so I had a bite of it. During the second half of the game, I did end up ordering a brownie sundae. The Panthers ended up beating New Orleans! Heck yeah! What a way to end the season. It really is a shame that our team couldn't have gotten it together a little earlier this season though instead of turning it on right at the end. But, at least we finally started winning some games. It gives me a bit of hope for things to come next season. Hopefully next season will be better all around as we will have a little boy to enjoy all the games with. I know Marshall is definitely looking forward to when his son is old enough to actually take him to a Panther game. I hope that is a reality that he gets to experience soon!

Reach For the Stars

Today was Susan's 35th birthday! Stacey went behind Susan's back and invited a bunch of people to lunch to surprise Susan and I called and changed Susan's reservation from 7 people to 14. Stacey, Susan, Brian, Myra, Mary Beth, Misha, Mike, Keith, Kelly, Jaime, Marshall and I all had lunch at RX downtown. RX is a new restaurant that is owned by a couple of friends of mine from high school in Goldsboro. Marshall and I tried to go there before but it had either been closed or packed. For an appetizer we got the cinnamon rolls and they were awesome. I got the flank steak and Marshall got the chili cheeseburger. He loved it so much he then got another chili cheeseburger! It seemed like Susan had a good time and enjoyed everything we put in her bowl, including the autographed Army Wives photo.

Jamie gave us a beautiful star picture that her mom had made for us for the new baby. It seems as though stars is becoming a theme this time around with gifts for the baby. While the last star picture was meant as a reminder of the new baby of his older brother in the Heavens that would always be looking out for him, this picture says, "Reach for the stars." I'm not sure the exact reasoning for why she chose to make this particular item for the baby, but it seems it could have multiple meanings behind it. One being reminiscent of the first star picture in that his older brother Nolan would always be among the stars and whenever he wants to be close to his brother all he has to do is reach for the stars. The other meaning being to always strive for all your dreams as no dream is too big, so go ahead and reach for the stars.

After lunch we just tooled around the house for the rest of the afternoon. Still full from his two cheeseburgers from lunch, Marshall opted out of dinner, so I went solo to meet Susan, Stacey, Kelly and Susan's gay guy friends from Raleigh for dinner at Circa. I had met Aaron before as he was Susan's date to our wedding, but I hadn't met his boyfriend DJ or the other couple. Dinner was great as always. Susan had a creme brûlée for her desert and we had the waiter add a candle for us so we could sing Happy Birthday to her. They had a piano player tonight at Circa and upon hearing us starting to sing, he stopped what he was playing and started in on Happy Birthday to accompany us. Dinner lasted awhile as we didn't leave there until 10:30pm. It was misting slightly as we walked outside. The boys said their goodbyes as they headed back to Raleigh. I too said goodnight and left the girls to go bar hopping without me. As I walked down the block to my car I noticed how full and beautiful the moon was tonight. Despite the drizzle, the moon was still full and bright and even the stars were fairly noticeable. It felt like a day of nothing but good food and good friends, but it was worth every calorie.

Candy Shopping

I read some more of 50 Shades Darker this morning as I drank my coffee. I had borrowed the book from my friend Susan, so eventually I have to give it back to her. Besides, mindless entertainment is good sometimes. I've tried reading a lot of things since Nolan's death and this appears about the only thing I could muster through with any type of comprehension. I had to read a lot of scripts for Homeland this season but I found myself retaining the information just long enough to film the episode and then I quickly forget about it. That's very unlike me as I usually remember everything, especially everything I read.

We then met our friend Sally for a long overdue lunch and frozen yogurt date. It was good to see her as I haven't seen her in months. She had been so busy finishing up school and we were out of town so much during the filming of Homeland that our paths had been missing each other for quite some time. She did take care of JoJo for us for a few days while we were in New York and we had brought her back a little gift so it was nice to finally be able to give it to her. We had an enjoyable couple of hours with her and even ventured into Fizzy's Candy Store on our walk down to the frozen yogurt shop. Susan's birthday is tomorrow and she gets the coveted bowl for her birthday. Since I had it last it was our job to refill the bowl with goodies for Susan. The candy shop proved to be a successful venture as we found all kinds of interesting things to get for the bowl. We found some other outrageous things that we decided was just too much for the bowl. After all, I do like Susan and I don't think giving her candy made with real insects is the way to go.

After lunch we ran a few errands to the bank and Home Depot. For days now I've been meaning to get a new pot to replant my hibiscus bush in and keep forgetting. I blame baby brain. I seem to be more and more forgetful these days. I finally did remember today and obtained all the items I needed at our venture to Home Depot. Now hopefully within the next few days we will see some improvement in our sad little bush.

When we got home and I finished planting the hibiscus I opened up Facebook to see I had a message from a guy I used to work with. He was apologizing if the message was inappropriate but one of his neighbors had just lost their baby on Christmas Day. Their baby was due on Jan 31st. They too had a stillborn baby. He was asking me for advice as he confessed he didn't know what to say to me when it happened and he still doesn't know what to say to them now. Every time I hear of another couple going through this painful loss, I am just overcome with how this can even still happen and how so few people know this is a possibility. Until it happened to us, we were completely oblivious that this could even be a reality. All the baby books you read refuse to mention the harsh reality of stillbirth. I replied back to the message with the best advice I could give him by simply telling him what meant the most to us in the days following Nolan's death. It didn't matter to us that people didn't know what to say to us. How would they? I didn't know what to say to us. What was important was that people reached out and told us how sorry they were and to just show us that they cared. I don't think either Marshall or I will ever forget those people that chose not to reach out to either of us in the days following Nolan's death. If Nolan had been five years old when he died, they wouldn't have thought twice about sending us a card or saying something to us so why remain silent when our unborn baby dies? A baby that was only weeks away from being born. I don't know if he will listen to any of my advice, but I hope so and I hope that he shares some of my advice with his neighbors. Maybe it will help them, maybe it won't. But maybe just knowing they aren't the only people in this world dealing with this loss will help them to reach out and seek help by way of stillbirth groups or websites. I am still learning every day about new websites and groups for parents dealing with this loss.

Grilled Cheese

I got up and went to Zumba this morning while Marshall went and flushed the boat out. I am determined to get ahold on the weight gain. I think my body has finally started to rebel against the stress it's been under the last two years from being pregnant now for the third time after carrying the last baby for 8 1/2 months. I don't think our bodies are actually meant to be pregnant that close together. Some down time is imperative in order for the body to regroup and get back to normal before we get pregnant again and throw it all for a loop. Last time my weight gain wasn't too bad until the very end when I started retaining fluid. Most of my fluid retention, however, was due to the induction medicine they gave me while in the hospital. I blew up within hours of being on the medicine as I had a really bad reaction which manifested itself in a 104.5 fever and severe chills. I'm really actually dreading being induced again, but the alternative to try to carry to term is far more scary for me. I would gladly have another bad reaction and steep fever to have the peace of mind of having a healthy baby.

When I got back from Zumba, I made some decaf coffee, ate a muffin and attempted to do the crossword in Encore magazine. I got about 2/3 done and called it quits. I then called and scheduled a meet and greet with Seaside Pediatrics for Jan 24th. They were the only pediatricians we didn't visit last time around. We were scheduled to see them the week I was hospitalized with Nolan. In fact, they called and reminded me of my visit while I was actually in the hospital being induced. Needless to say, by that point there was definitely no need for a pediatrician in our very near future. Hopefully, this time though we will need to make a decision on a pediatrician. We went to late lunch at La Costa and then came right home. The weather outside today was still not very inviting so we chose instead to just hang out at home.

JoJo and I hung out in the living room by the warm fireplace all afternoon and evening while Marshall popped in and out as he took breaks from playing Xbox. I started craving steak but I was in my PJs and we didn't have any. Marshall was too busy playing Xbox with Robi so I couldn't even request he go pick one up for me. To take my mind off my craving, I finished reading 50 Shades of Grey. Still bored and hungry I started 50 Shades Darker and read until Marshall put the Xbox away for the night and came to join me to watch TV. I complained about being hungry so Marshall made me a grilled cheese. He doesn't cook much or often, but I have to say every now and then it is nice for someone else to make you dinner - even if it is only a grilled cheese. And what a good grilled cheese it was. While it wasn't steak, it was satisfying enough and I didn't go to bed hungry.

Storms

I woke up a lot last night. Some to pee but mostly because of the tremendous rain storm we were having. The thunder was cracking right above our house and the lightening was so bright it was lighting up the entire room. It was bothering JoJo too as a couple of times when I got up I heard her whining a bit at it. Realizing I too was affected by the storm, she decided to move and come lay on the floor by me so I could reach down and pet her. At one point I had to go to our front porch and turn off our motion activated Christmas tree. It sings whenever something activates it but the storm was so loud and so vigorous it kept setting it off.

When we woke up this morning it was still raining and very gloomy outside. So we made some coffee and lounged around a bit. Marshall confessed he had not known about the storm last night until he saw it was raining upon waking up. I really have no idea how he could have possibly slept through it. I wonder if he will be as oblivious to our child's cries as he is to the loud cracking thunder? One would hope not. I shouldn't be the only one that has to awaken every 3 hours when we bring the baby home. He should have to endure some of the sleepless nights too. It's only fair.

Eventually, Marshall decided to take his laptop and go to Port City Java and see if our Belkin @TV worked from afar. Well, it did but not without some hiccups. It caused the DVR at home to change channels every time he changed channels. Not exactly what we were hoping for. It will still work for our purposes but we will probably end up getting an additional cable box that we can dedicate the Belkin @TV to. It will still be much cheaper than paying for an entire additional cable package out of town. He came back home and picked me up and we went to grab some lunch at Panera. There's nothing like a warm bowl of soup on a rainy day. Fortunately, at least it wasn't a cold rainy day. After lunch we went to Kohl's to get a couple of links taken out of my watch and to spend the $30 in Kohl's cash I had received. I ended up buying another maternity shirt with the money. On the way home we stopped at Harris Teeter to pick up a few things for dinner and rented a movie from Redbox. We had thought about going to the theater to see another movie but decided against it.

Back home Marshall played Call of Duty on the Xbox and I watched Friends reruns and fell asleep only to be awoken by Marshall yelling at the game. You know if he wasn't so loud and vocal when he played I would probably not mind the game so much. I really don't understand the point of yelling at the game, especially when you aren't actually talking live to someone you are playing with. The house really is so much quieter when Marshall isn't here simply because nobody is yelling at the Xbox all the time. It's peaceful. That's ok. He will learn his lesson. First time he is home all day with the baby and sleepy because he was up all night and the baby finally falls asleep and he tries to play Xbox... that baby is going to wake up screaming because of Marshall and he will have nobody to blame but himself.

I decided since I was awake now and it was nearly 6pm that I would get up and make dinner. We had planned to reheat the leftover pot roast but I had also picked up some asparagus to make with it. So I put the asparagus in the oven and took out the pot roast and put in on the stove to warm up. I am glad that I finally found something that Marshall will actually eat the leftovers. Hopefully, I can find some more crockpot dishes that he likes too.

After dinner Marshall decided to go play and cuss at the Xbox some more so I put on my PJs and did some writing. Eventually, Marshall had enough Xbox and decided to come watch the movie we rented. He made some old fashioned stove top popcorn that had come in his Indian Christmas gift and we turned on the movie Dark Shadows. It was actually a pretty good movie and neither of fell asleep while watching it either! There's a first time for everything. After successfully making it through that movie, JoJo and I retired to the bedroom to finish watching Amish Mafia which we had just happened upon in the living room. Shortly after, Marshall gave in and joined us.

Christmas

We got up this morning around 8:30am to open presents. We opened JoJo's stocking first as she already tried to get into it last night. She was so cute sniffing at the top of the stocking until she accidentally knocked it and it's hanger off and scattered away pretending as if she had nothing to do with it. I'm sure it was the raw hide candy canes she was sniffing around for, even though they are securely wrapped in plastic. That just goes to show you the power of a dog's sense of smell. We gave her the ball we got for her and then opened the candy cane raw hides and gave her one to chew on. Then we opened our stockings. I gave Marshall a bunch of candy, the Phillip Phillips CD, a card game, a mustache pen that talks and some hot sauce. He gave me some candy, a monkey hanger, a sculpture and a nose sculpture that holds your eye glasses. The one sculpture he gave me he said reminded him of our two sons holding hands so he wanted to get it for me as a reminder of my two little boys. Then we opened our presents. I gave Marshall Apple TV and some UGG boots. He gave me a Citizen Eco watch that runs entirely off solar power (no battery ever needed) and a ukulele! Sweet! Now I just have to learn to play it.

After playing around with our gifts for awhile, we showered and got dressed and headed over to my Mom's around lunchtime. We decided to take JoJo with us so she wouldn't have to sit at home by herself all afternoon on Christmas Day. Boy did my Mom have a spread! We exchanged presents and then ate. Mom had given Billy a basketball goal so we gave him a basketball and the movie I am Legend. Mom had wanted some fur lined boots so we got her some black ones. Marshall got a black iTouch watch from them along with some skull boxers (his Christmas Eve gift) and a Tshirt. I got some slippers for my Christmas Eve gift (since pajamas wouldn't fit me for awhile), a red maternity sweater and some thigh high socks. Mom also gave us a little present for the baby - an outfit with ducks on it, a blanket with matching ducks and a duck bib. We also received a Belkin @TV Plus which will allow us to take our cable TV with us out of town when we travel and prevent us for having to purchase cable when we are working out of town.

We then stuffed ourselves with sausage balls, cookies, chips and dips, cheese ball, apple cake, lemon pound cake, meatballs, pimento cheese dip, macaroni salad and broccoli salad. It was all delicious. We stayed over there for a few hours visiting and watching A Christmas Story on TV. Finally, we packed up and headed home.




Shortly after we got home my Dad came over for a visit. Marshall was in the middle of trying to hook up our Belkin @TV when he got there and it proved much more complicated that it should have been. We finally got it sort of working so we settled in and gave Dad his stocking and gift. We had filled his stocking with a Tshirt and some treats we knew he liked. The gift we gave him was a new HP laptop as his current one was not working and we knew he needed a new one. It has been a tough year for my Dad financially, so I'm glad we were in a place where we could help him out with this gift. I hope Marshall and I are always in a good financial place for if we ever struggle financially I don't know what we would do. We certainly don't have anyone that could help us out of a financial bind. Perhaps that's one reason we save money the way we do and don't blow it. We easily have enough money in our bank accounts to live for a year without either of us working a single day. I would like to get to the point where that year was more like 5 and hopefully our IRAs and other savings accounts will amass to enough to set us up with a comfortable retirement one day. I think about these things and so does Marshall and I'm glad we do. I'm glad we try to plan for our future as best as we can. I would love to one day live in a house that we own outright and no longer pay mortgage payments on. It would be great to have everything paid off. Maybe one day in the not so distant future we can obtain that goal.

All in all it was a great Christmas as we were able to be together and spend it with some of our family, which is really what the holiday season is all about. It had been a long, busy day so I was glad when we were able to put on our pajamas and relax for the remainder of the night.

Christmas Eve

Marshall got up this morning and went shopping for some stocking stuffers for me. While he was gone, Cristal's nephew came by to pick up some autographed Army Wives photos that Marshall had picked up for Cristal. Apparently, her sisters are big fans of the show and she had asked me at Family Christmas if they might could come visit. But with all the changes in cast this year, the best we were able to do for her was two autographed pictures for them. Lots of people often ask Marshall and I about visiting our film sets and usually we can work it out, but both of us are so busy at work that it only really works when we are able to have the other one come with the visitors. For instance, my Mom and Aunt Jo came to visit Marshall's set of Army Wives a couple of years ago but I was off work and was able to go with them. That allowed me to tell them all about what was going on and to walk them around and introduce them to people. If they had just been visiting Marshall alone they would have been limited in what they could have done since he would have been working. Most people don't understand as they have never been on a film set and don't know how it works. Marshall and I also can't just walk away any time we want during the day either to show around visitors.

After Marshall's shopping was done, we went to lunch and had my favorite - mexican! Then we dropped off a bag of linens to Goodwill and headed home to change clothes. We were going to go see The Hobbit matinee, but wanted to meet my Mom at the 7pm candle light service downtown directly after. So we needed to make sure we were dressed for the candle light service before we went to the movie as there would be no time in between to change. Since there had been a lot of negative criticism about the 3D version of The Hobbit since they were using a new technology, we opted for the standard version. It was great! I didn't, however, realize that it was going to be 3 movies. We both used the bathroom before we left and that's when Marshall realized he wasn't wearing his wedding band. He started freaking out thinking he had lost it somewhere at the theater. He went back to look in the restroom while I went to the theater to look under our seats. The workers helped us look to no avail. Freaking out, Marshall wanted to go home and see if by some miracle he took it off at home and didn't remember. Needless to say, by this time there was no way we were making it all the way downtown for the church service. The whole way home, Marshall was on the verge of tears saying this was just the perfect horrible ending to a horrible year. If he indeed did lose his ring, he was right that it was a horrible way to end the year. When we got home we scrambled to try to find his ring, hoping he had just misplaced it. Marshall unpacked his entire suitcase and combed through the bedroom, office and living room. Still no luck. I went into our bathroom and there it was! I finally found it sitting beside an open jar of hair product. Marshall had obviously taken it off to put in hair product and never put it back on. Thank god we found it! Whew! He said he wanted his head examined. He breathed a huge sigh of relief to know it was no longer missing. I'm pretty sure nothing would have eased his mind if we hadn't been able to find his ring. Not even our traditional Christmas Eve gifts!

Fortunately, not all was lost so we both were able to enjoy Christmas Eve at home. Ever since I was a little girl, my family has had the tradition of opening one gift on Christmas Eve. That gift is always pajamas. As a child it was always Christmas themed pajamas, but now it is just any pajamas. Since Marshall has been complaining about how cold I keep it in the house now that I'm pregnant, I got him flannel pajama pants, fuzzy socks, a long sleeved henley and some Christmas boxers. I was hoping it would help keep him warm until I went back to my normal temperament. This year since I was pregnant, Marshall instead gave a robe from Victoria Secrets that I had wanted. I was thinking I wouldn't be able to tie it right now, but surprisingly I was able to. I guess I'm not as big as some people want to think I am!


We then watched Love Actually to get in the Christmas spirit and afterwards put on Total Recall for the second time. Again, we didn't make it through the movie and wound up both falling asleep on the couch.

Pregnancy Woes

It was a lazy morning for us both as Marshall was still recuperating from his lack of sleep yesterday. Neither of us were motivated to get dressed to go do anything. Marshall spent most of the morning laying on the floor snuggling with JoJo and trying to wake up by drinking cup after cup of coffee. Eventually, we did get dressed and decided to go out to Kickback Jack's to watch the first half of the Panther game and eat some lunch. We decided to sit at the bar this time since it was just the two of us and the place was packed. This little old lady in her late 70s or early 80s ended up sitting beside us at the bar. She was from Myrtle Beach, SC and was traveling home from Pennsylvania. She too was there to eat lunch while watching her football games - Steelers, Redskins, and Panthers. She ended up chatting with us the entire time we were there. She was very sweet and cute and it seemed to make her day that we were taking the time to chat with her. At halftime, we said goodbye to sweet old lady and headed home to watch the second half of the game. Dad came over and watched the rest of the game with us. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and missed the ending but the Panthers won! Woot woot. If only they could have started this winning streak about 4 games earlier!

Dad left and we gave JoJo a much needed bath. Then we went to Target to get presents for Tynik and his siblings. Marshall was very impatient with the Christmas crowds and then ended up getting impatient with me saying I was walking too slow. For the past several months, I have had an ongoing pain in my left heel that pops up every now and then and makes it very painful to walk. Today is one of  those days where it is acting up making walking around the store fairly painful. So when Marshall got aggravated with me for walking slow, it upset me. Sometimes I think he has no idea how much being pregnant affects my every day routine. By the time we got home, I had really let Marshall's shortness with me really upset me. He left to go run an errand and I found myself sitting in the nursery crying. I am tired of being pregnant. I'm tired of the heartburn, the back aches, the sore feet, the weight gain, the hormonal roller coaster. I'm tired of experiences all the agonies of pregnancy and not ever getting to experience the reward of being pregnant. I remember one time seeing a show, I believe it was Private Practice or Grey's Anatomy, in where a pregnant woman had fallen and come to the ER. There she found out her baby had died and she too would have to birth a stillborn baby. I remember on the show the doctor said that most time she can convince her patients to deal with the pain, promising them they get to see their baby at the end of it and all their pregnancy woes and pain will have all been worth it. But you can't tell that to a woman who is birthing a stillborn baby. I remember in the hospital when I dilated from a 2 to a 10 within 30 minutes without having had an epidural yet and was in excruciating pain. I remember my doctor asking me if she could check me and couldn't stop crying but shook my head no. I remember crying, "why is this happening to me?" "Why are they torturing me?" At that moment, that is exactly how I felt. Tortured. Everything I had been through in the last 8 1/2 months had all been for naught. And today I cried thinking it could happen again. I could be going through all this again only to be tortured once again. I've been dealing with pregnancy woes now for 2 years. I'm about at my breaking point. If I am blessed with a healthy boy at the end of it, it will indeed all be worth it. But if something goes wrong again, I don't know that I can survive it all over again.

Marshall apologized when he returned home and saw how distraught I was over it all. I explained to him how tired I was and he said he didn't know how I wasn't. He said I've had such a good attitude this whole time about being pregnant and he didn't seem that surprised that I finally had a meltdown about it. Of course, he was deeply sorry he was the catalyst for my meltdown. We decided to forgo the movie tonight and went to Best Buy instead to look for a new phone case for Marshall. He ended up getting a red one that charges your iPhone while you use it. We picked up a couple of RedBox movies on the way home - The Apparition and Total Recall. We watched the scary one, which was not that great, then decided to watch the other one in the bedroom. Of course, we didn't make it through 15 mins of it before falling asleep.

Marshall Is Home

I woke up fairly early this morning not knowing when Marshall might show up. I made some blueberry muffins and put the pot roast in the crockpot for dinner. In 8 hours, the pot roast should be done and hopefully Marshall will love it! Shortly after I finished the last batch of muffins, Marshall arrived home from Charleston. We hung out for a bit and had some coffee and muffins, then showered and changed and went to get some lunch at Jackson's Big Oak BBQ.

After lunch, Marshall dropped me off at AC Moore while he went to pick up a Christmas present for me. When he returned we headed home. Exhausted, Marshall quickly fell asleep on the couch and I too decided to nap for a bit. I woke up an hour later and Marshall was still sound asleep so I left him there and ventured out again to pick up dog food for JoJo and some treats for her and Buster for Christmas.

When I got home, Marshall was still exactly where I left him - asleep. I pulled out the asparagus and put it in the oven then made the chipotle sauce for dinner. Half an hour later dinner was ready and so Marshall finally woke up. I made him some pot roast sliders and asparagus and despite his proclamation that he didn't like pot roast, he said it was really good and he ate it. I was very impressed with the ease of the crockpot cooking and am definitely looking forward to doing more cooking with it in the future.

We then put in the movie The Campaign which I had rented at Redbox while I was out and we both actually managed to stay awake and watch it. Afterwards we starting watching this show on NatGeo about doomsday preppers. Crazy what these people do but it was actually really interesting. Despite all the afternoon napping, Marshall fell asleep while watching the show so we moved to the bedroom to finish watching it while we both fell asleep.

Reason for the Season

After being super lazy yesterday, I vowed to be much more productive today. I started out the morning slow, but eventually showered and headed out to finish my Christmas shopping for Marshall. My first stop was the mall and boy was it crazy! I guess everyone was already off work for the holidays because the place was slammed and so incredibly hot. I had to take my coat off while in there just to not have a heat stroke. I don't understand why stores insist on being so hot during the winter. It certainly doesn't make you want to stay in there and shop. While looking for Marshall's gift, I ended up finding what I had in mind to get my mom. Well, at least walking away with two gifts from here will make the torturous heat more worth it. I finally found what I was looking for and not a moment too soon. I was so over all the people and the heat I just couldn't take it any more. I rushed out of there as soon as I had made my purchase and breathed a sigh of relief once I was outside. For the rest of the day I simply left my coat in the car. I didn't care if I was cold on my way into the stores just to be able to be somewhat comfortable while I was in the store.

Since Whole Foods grocery store is right next to the mall, whenever I am over this way I seize the opportunity to go as Whole Foods is my favorite grocery store. I also wanted to make the pot roast in the crockpot for Marshall that Susan made the other night. I know Marshall says he isn't a fan of roast, but I have a feeling he might like this. So I picked up the roast and most of the ingredients I needed at Whole Foods along with a few extra groceries and headed out. I stopped briefly at Bed, Bath and Beyond and while I didn't find anything in there, when I came out the sky was a beautiful pinkish orange color. The sun had started to set and the sky above the parking lot was amazing. I'm sure most Christmas shoppers didn't pay it any attention but I stopped by my car to marvel at it. I even snapped a picture hoping it would turn out half as pretty as the sky. I think so many times during the holiday season people forget to stop and pay attention to the little things. They most certainly forget the real reason for the holidays and sometimes signs like this in the sky can remind us to pause and appreciate the reason for the season.

My next stop on the way home was Target to pick up a few things. Target wasn't nearly as bad as the mall so I managed to maintain my sanity while shopping in there. Lastly, I had to stop by Harris Teeter to pick up a couple of items I couldn't find at Whole Foods. I was in and out of there in under 10 minutes and heading home. After I put away all the groceries, I wrapped Mom and Marshall's presents. There was still a chance that Marshall would be home later tonight so I wanted to make sure all of his gifts were wrapped before he got home.

The rest of the night I spent cleaning the house. I got into our bathroom and ended up doing a spring cleaning in there. I threw away a bunch of old things and rearranged in there. Eventually, I will do a major cleaning when we decide to finally renovate that bathroom but who knows when we will actually get around to doing that. Marshall eventually got off work around 11:30, but was much too exhausted to then drive the 3 hours home to Wilmington. So he decided to go back to the hotel and sleep for a few hours before getting up early in the morning and heading home. I stayed up until about 2am cleaning and then finally went to bed. In the morning my husband will be home!

Star Light, Star Bright

Last night when I got home, there was a package sitting at my front door. I opened it late last night and it was from my dear friend Teresa who lives in Oregon. She sent a beautiful card with it saying how she has been trying to figure out something she could do for the new baby and then one of my blog entries inspired her. It was the blog about the star we found in our front yard one morning and how it reminded me of Nolan and how his star burned out long before he was able to shine. So she made this amazing piece of art for the new baby to always remind him of his big brother Nolan. It is so fitting as we've already discussed how we plan on telling our other children all about Nolan and how there are two stars in the sky named after him so they can always look up at the stars and know that their big brother is always shining down on them and watching out for them.

I finally went out to get the mail today and found another package from my Mom's friend Barbara. Barbara's youngest son Stephen and I went to junior high and high school and just this year he and his wife had their first child, a son. When we lost Nolan, Barbara contacted me and told she too had lost her first son due to a stillbirth. She was one of several women who contacted me to share with me their stories and let me know that they too knew what I was going through. I know she too understands my fears and anxieties over this pregnancy and she has sent me many messages of comfort on Facebook. It is somewhat comforting to know of people that experienced our loss and then went on to have future healthy pregnancies. Stephen's wife is a very talented crocheter and has crocheted some really cute outfits for their infant son. In the package I found that Barbara had sent me a crocheted monkey hat that her daughter-in-law had made for us along with a cute little monkey onesie that Barbara had picked up to match it. It was very sweet of them both to think of us and our little boy and I pray every day that we are able to use it and send them pictures of our little boy in it.

I spent the evening watching the X Factor finale by myself and while I wasn't surprised by the results I have to admit I was really hoping Carly Rose would win. Although she still did amazing by getting to the finale, I think it would have been really outstanding for a 13 year old prodigy to have walked away with it all. It certainly would have been well deserved.

Flat Tire

Marshall got up before 6am to shower and get ready for work. After a very sleepless night in the hotel room, battling the air conditioner to get a comfortable temperature, I was anxious to get back to sleep once he left. And sleep I finally did, until 9:30am. It was later than I had intended to sleep in, but then again I don't really have a time table these days. After showering and getting dressed, I took JoJo out and then packed up some stuff to put in the car before heading to the set of Army Wives.

One of the actors, Sterling, was working this morning and Marshall wanted me to come out to see him since he asks Marshall all the time how I am doing. The set was much farther away than I had thought as it took me nearly 45 minutes to make it out there. But, once out there it was truly beautiful. They were filming at this plantation called Middleton Place. When I arrived out there they were filming on a bridge by a lake. It turned out to be a beautiful day with the high reaching nearly 80 degrees. Can you believe it is almost Christmas?! It sure didn't feel like December out here today. I saw Sterling and he gave me a big hug and then asked if he could touch my belly. He told me how happy he was and how much he's been praying for us and this baby. That was the sentiment I got from a bunch of people on set as well.

I hung around the set for a good bit since it was such a nice day outside and I wanted to make sure I said hello to everyone Marshall wanted me to. There were a lot of new faces on the Army Wives set this year, but I knew most of them from Wilmington. Eventually, I left as I still had some things I wanted to do in Charleston before I left to head back to Wilmington.




Unfortunately, I was only about 5 miles away from set when all those plans went right out the window with my flat tire. So I pulled into the first side road I could find and called AAA to come help me. Nearly 45 minutes later, they arrived to put my spare on for me and found the culprit of the flat tire - a nail! Well, there was certainly no way I was driving 3 hours on my spare tire home so I now had to find a new tire or see if the flat could be patched before I could head home. So, I drove back the 45 minutes to the hotel and picked up JoJo and we headed out to find a tire store. A few miles from the hotel I happened upon a Firestone and decided that was as good a place as any. A little over an hour later they had me a new tire put on as the flat was not able to be patched, of course. Now it was nearly 4pm and I was supposed to be home by 8pm for dinner and the X Factor finale with the girls. And I still hadn't had any lunch! Thank goodness I had those cookies in my car to munch on while I waited for the AAA guy to arrive.

On the way out of town, I stopped and grabbed a salad to go then called Marshall's parents to let them know I wouldn't be able to stop back by before I left. As it would happen, Robi and Marshall's mom had yet to make it back from Robi's physical therapy appointment so I didn't feel as bad for not making it back by to say goodbye. I finally got out of Charleston around 4:30pm to head home to Wilmington. Since Susan didn't mind JoJo coming over for X Factor night, I didn't bother going home first but just stopped in Leland at Susan's house when I rolled into town around 7:15pm. Mary Beth and her daughter Abby were already over there as well as Kelly. The only person missing was Shea who wouldn't be over until nearly 8pm when she dropped off her client. Abby loved JoJo and snuggled with her on the floor as we waited for dinner to be ready. Susan cooked a meal she had found on Pinterest - pot roast sliders, asparagus and homemade mac and cheese. It was all delicious and I don't even like asparagus but for some reason when Susan makes it I always like it.

Susan gave me a Christmas gift for the baby that was a box full of baby clothes and a teething toy. There was a really cute Carolina blue argyll pajama outfit and an cute Babybook onesie (think Facebook profile, but for a baby). It was very sweet of her and I have to admit it was fun getting some new things for the new baby. Several of my friends have been asking me if I wanted to do a baby shower and I've been pretty conflicted about it. I guess I originally thought that since we were having another boy and just had baby showers less than a year ago there was really no point. I mean, yes there are still things we need to get, but I didn't think anyone would want to come to another shower for us since we are having another boy. But I have gotten a few things for the new baby from various people and I have to say it has made me feel more normal - or at least as normal as I can feel during this pregnancy.

So maybe I will let them do like a baby celebration at least. Something where we can all get together and eat some cake and celebrate this baby. Not necessarily something that requires presents but something that will allow me to be excited and give this baby the same sort of excitement and party as Nolan was given. I know Marshall has been anti getting anything for the baby, but really is that going to make it any easier if we end up losing him? No, the answer is no. We already have a room full of baby stuff, what's one or two more things for a baby? My feeling is that I'm already attached to this baby. Shower or no shower. I am still going to be devastated if things go wrong this time. Perhaps even more devastated, if that is even possible.

After dinner, Mary Beth and Abby left so Susan let her dog Sailor out since she no longer had to worry about him slobbering on Abby's school uniform. Sailor is a black lab and while he is so sweet, he is so slobbery! We had to keep putting him and JoJo in time out from each other though because they kept wanting to play in the living room and Sailor's tail was knocking the tree so hard we were afraid he was going to break something. It was a great X Factor finale and I have to say, it could easily be anybody's win tomorrow night. It will be interesting to see what the outcome is. As soon as the show was over I grabbed my stuff, JoJo and the buckeyes Susan had just made for me and headed home. I was pretty tired from the excitement of the day and the drive and knew if I didn't get home soon, JoJo and I would be spending the night with Susan.

Twins?

This morning I was motivated and got up and went to Zumba - my last zumba class with Karson until after Christmas. I was bummed to learn that as I knew that would also mean I probably wouldn't go to any other Zumba classes in the interim either. I came home and showered, packed up and headed to Charleston. I got to Marshall's parents' house around 4pm. Robi was back and at the house already from his surgery that morning. I chatted with him a bit and gave him the cookies I had made for him. He had his leg in this brace that automatically would bend and straighten his leg for him. Apparently he has to wear the brace for 6-8 hours a day so that his leg doesn't get too stiff. He also starts physical therapy tomorrow.

He told me I looked like I was having twins. Thanks Robi. As if I don't feel huge enough as it is. If people knew how much I'm already hating how big I'm getting, they wouldn't say a thing to me about my size. Trust me if I had my way I would be much smaller but then again if I had my way I wouldn't be pregnant right now because I would have a 8 month old and not be looking to have another baby any time soon. I don't remember being so concerned last time with my weight, but this time it seems to be bothering me much more than it ever did before. I guess since I'm starting to work out I thought I would stop gaining weight and that has yet to happen. I think I'm just going to have a really hard uphill battle after I have this baby trying to get my body back. I left to head to the sound stages to say hello to Marshall when he texted me and told me they were on their last scene of the day. Since it had cooled off I rolled down the windows and left JoJo in the car while I went inside to say hello to Marshall. They were on the last couple of shots when I got there.

I said hello to the producers John and Barbara and a lot of the crew. They wrapped shortly after I got there and Marshall and I walked out to the cars with Steve and let JoJo out to run around and pee in the grass. Then we headed to the hotel to drop JoJo off so we could go grab dinner. After getting me a key to the room, we went to Town Center and had dinner at Grimaldi's Pizza. The wait to get our food was really long, but the pizza was pretty good. It wasn't the best I've ever had, but it was decent enough. After dinner we went to Marble Slab for dessert and then headed back to the hotel.

I took JoJo out before turning in for the night. We turned on the TV and ended up catching the end The Voice finale. Marshall fell asleep with his hand on my belly feeling the baby kick as I watched the end results of The Voice. Not having watched the entire season of The Voice I wasn't at all invested in the winner. Some of my friends, however, were not happy that the girl won. Apparently, they were not big fans.

No Gestational Diabetes!

This morning I had another 1 hour glucose test while at my OB/GYN. This was my third glucose test this pregnancy. I appreciate that they are being cautious this time around and want to keep monitoring my glucose levels, but I am also really glad that so far I haven't had gestational diabetes and I'm hoping I don't develop it at all this time. While we were waiting on the results, I had my appointment with Dr. McLean. She told me she had just been wondering last week when she was going to see me again and was glad to see I had an appointment this morning. She listened to the baby's heartbeat and said it sounded perfect. I've gained 25 lbs now. Ugh. Really? I will be so glad when I am no longer pregnant and actually have a baby at home and can try to get back in shape some.

Being pregnant now on and off for over 2 years, my body is not liking it. I find I am putting on weight quicker with each pregnancy and it's harder and harder each time to lose the weight afterwards. Last time was extremely difficult as I wasn't able to do anything for 6 weeks after the birth of Nolan and I was grieving and not motivated to try to lose the weight either. When I finally was okayed to exercise, I started in with Zumba and dove head first into it. I was going twice a day every day it was offered - 6 to 7 times a week. I was also doing weight watchers and I lost all but about 7lbs of my pregnancy weight before I got pregnant again 2 months later. If I had had another month to exercise like that I probably would have lost all of those 7lbs and maybe even some more, but work and another pregnancy interfered.

After my appointment with Dr. McLean I waited around until my hour was up and had my sugar test. My blood sugar was135 and the cutoff was 135 so they told me I barely passed but I passed! They also tested my iron level and it was good. So to celebrate I went next door to PT's Grill and had a grilled chicken sandwich and french fries. Carb city! It was so yummy.

Afterwards I went home. Dawn texted me and said she would be over later with the stocking and pillow that was embroidered by her neighbor. I ended up napping a bit on the couch waiting for her as the rain just lulled me to sleep. My MIL called and I talked to her a bit about her doctor apt, whooping cough and Robi's surgery tomorrow. Marshall had just called a moment before Dawn pulled up so I wasn't able to talk to him for long as he was just on lunch break.

The stocking looked great and the pillow now had McGee on it so Marshall should be happy about it. Dawn visited for a bit and then had to leave to go to her post op doctor's appointment. I napped a bit more and then finally got myself up off the couch in time to change clothes and go to Zumba. I'm always glad I go but it is hard to get myself up and motivated to go these days. Karson said it was a hard routine today and it definitely worked me out more than the others lately. On the way home I stopped by the grocery store to pick something up to make for dinner and some other things. I ended up making cookies for Robi and heated up a personal pizza for me. For good measure, I watched cake boss while I was cooking. I figured who doesn't like cookies when they are recovering from a surgery?