At the YMCA there are two bowls full of little pieces of paper. On each paper is a thought, verse or quote. One bowl holds quotes for adults, the other bowl for kids. I've walked by these bowls numerous times now, but I have yet to reach in and pull out a piece of paper. Today, I went to the Y not once but twice for what else am I to do on a lonely Sunday in Charlotte but fill it with exercise. I thought as I walked by the bowls on my way to my first Cardio Funk class that maybe I would remember to grab a piece of paper on my way out. I've thought this many times before, yet I always seem to forget to do it. Sometimes, I just simply decide against it. After all, there can't be anything thought provoking in them. I rather equated them to fortune cookie sayings. Sometimes you might get a good laugh at them, but really they hardly ever pertain to you and your life.
Well, today I actually remembered to grab one on my way out of the Y. I waited until I got in to my car before I unrolled it and read, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13." Hmm. I rather liked this verse. It made me smile as I thought that maybe, just maybe I would make it through this time after all. Since Nolan's death I can understand more clearly now why people when faced with death or tragedy often turn to religion for answers and consolation. Especially, when science and medicine leave you with lots of unanswered questions. I have always been a religious person, yet I don't go to church on a regular basis. In fact, I haven't belonged to a church since college. Marshall and I talked about trying to find a church in Wilmington that we liked as we did want to expose our children to religion and God as we felt like it would help to build a strong moral compass within them. However, I have found myself wanting even more since Nolan's death to find a church in Wilmington to belong to. I guess now more than ever I want to believe that someone up there is hearing my prayers. My prayer that one day soon I will be blessed with another baby that will be healthy and live and grow up to be a wonderful adult. I have to believe that someone up there hears my prayers, otherwise I might never have the strength to try it all over again. The possibility of losing another baby is a thought I can't fathom and a reality I will never be able to cope with. So, I will save this verse and remember it and pray that it is true. With God's help I will overcome this and I will have another baby one day.
Well, today I actually remembered to grab one on my way out of the Y. I waited until I got in to my car before I unrolled it and read, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13." Hmm. I rather liked this verse. It made me smile as I thought that maybe, just maybe I would make it through this time after all. Since Nolan's death I can understand more clearly now why people when faced with death or tragedy often turn to religion for answers and consolation. Especially, when science and medicine leave you with lots of unanswered questions. I have always been a religious person, yet I don't go to church on a regular basis. In fact, I haven't belonged to a church since college. Marshall and I talked about trying to find a church in Wilmington that we liked as we did want to expose our children to religion and God as we felt like it would help to build a strong moral compass within them. However, I have found myself wanting even more since Nolan's death to find a church in Wilmington to belong to. I guess now more than ever I want to believe that someone up there is hearing my prayers. My prayer that one day soon I will be blessed with another baby that will be healthy and live and grow up to be a wonderful adult. I have to believe that someone up there hears my prayers, otherwise I might never have the strength to try it all over again. The possibility of losing another baby is a thought I can't fathom and a reality I will never be able to cope with. So, I will save this verse and remember it and pray that it is true. With God's help I will overcome this and I will have another baby one day.
No comments:
Post a Comment