I don't think I've ever been so nervous to have blood drawn as I was this morning. My doctor decided it would be best to know sooner rather than later if I'm having a normal pregnancy so she requested I go to Lab Corp and have my blood drawn to test my HCG levels. I have to go back on Friday to have my blood tested again. Knowing that this test will tell me if everything is going as it should right now, has made me nervous that maybe it isn't. I had hoped that with another pregnancy I would manage to stay calm until I got around week 30, but apparently that is not the case. I think it is safe to say that I will be a basket case until a healthy alive baby is delivered in the end. But maybe once we get these results back and everything is okay right now, then I will calm down a bit and relax until later on in my pregnancy. Thankfully, once I got to work there was plenty to keep me busy. We were shooting a big fight sequence that involved squibs going off and actors shooting guns. Those kinds of scenes always take a long time to set up as each bullet hole has its own squib that goes off and blows a hole. Some squibs are on things like manikins, walls, and doors while others are put on our actors along with blood packs to simulate a blood wound caused by a bullet hole. Though we were mostly working with stunt men today, we did have a couple of actors that were being shot at today. While I had some good laughs today with the cast and crew, I also had a lot of time to think today as the set up time in between shots was greater than normal.
I find myself praying every night that I will have a normal pregnancy that ends with a healthy living baby in the end. One which I get to bundle up in a car seat and take home. A baby that I get to raise and see grow up into a formidable adult. As a child, I said prayers every night. I don't know if I believed so much in the power of the prayer or just the comfort of the habitual routine. Throughout my adolescent and early adulthood, I found myself only praying from time to time. Usually my prayers were for other people. I did on numerous occasions pray for a healthy baby when I was pregnant with Nolan. But ever since Nolan's death, I have found myself praying every night. Sometimes multiple times a day. I prayed that I would get pregnant again and have another chance at being a Mom. It appears that I have been given that chance. Now my prayers are only that this pregnancy is a healthy one that ends with a healthy baby being born. Boy or girl. So long as the baby is healthy I could care less what I have.
Today after my blood work, I had a long drive in to work as we were once again filming in Mooresville. The hour long drive allowed me plenty of time to think about everything. It also gave me plenty of time to worry as well, no matter how hard I tried to shake that thought it kept creeping back in. I've seen first hand the power of prayer when people are sick or injured. I know a lot of people are praying for us to have a healthy baby and I hope that God hears our prayers. Just the thought of now being pregnant and it ending happily as made it a lot easier to swallow everyone else around me being pregnant. If it isn't my best friend, it's the main actress on our show. There seems to be babies all around me. I am happy for all of them, I just want to be happy for me too.
This afternoon when the daily rain began to fall, I looked up in the sky and saw the dark thunder clouds and lightning and was reminded of God's power. I do believe that there is a power larger than any of us on earth. I do believe God has the ability to shape our lives. How much he does so, well that I don't know. But, I have to believe that when called upon God will listen to our prayers and help us if he can and if he deems us worthy and needy of his help. As I watched the sky open up and rain all around us but not actually on us, I knew then that God was listening and helping in my close vicinity. Hopefully, that means he will help to make sure everything goes well this time.
I find myself praying every night that I will have a normal pregnancy that ends with a healthy living baby in the end. One which I get to bundle up in a car seat and take home. A baby that I get to raise and see grow up into a formidable adult. As a child, I said prayers every night. I don't know if I believed so much in the power of the prayer or just the comfort of the habitual routine. Throughout my adolescent and early adulthood, I found myself only praying from time to time. Usually my prayers were for other people. I did on numerous occasions pray for a healthy baby when I was pregnant with Nolan. But ever since Nolan's death, I have found myself praying every night. Sometimes multiple times a day. I prayed that I would get pregnant again and have another chance at being a Mom. It appears that I have been given that chance. Now my prayers are only that this pregnancy is a healthy one that ends with a healthy baby being born. Boy or girl. So long as the baby is healthy I could care less what I have.
This afternoon when the daily rain began to fall, I looked up in the sky and saw the dark thunder clouds and lightning and was reminded of God's power. I do believe that there is a power larger than any of us on earth. I do believe God has the ability to shape our lives. How much he does so, well that I don't know. But, I have to believe that when called upon God will listen to our prayers and help us if he can and if he deems us worthy and needy of his help. As I watched the sky open up and rain all around us but not actually on us, I knew then that God was listening and helping in my close vicinity. Hopefully, that means he will help to make sure everything goes well this time.
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