Disney

Marshall and I struggled with whether or not to go to Disney, but when a stuntman friend of ours contacted some stuntman friends of his who work for Disney and got us in free we figured why not. After struggling through a day at Universal, Disney was bound to be easier - and it was. We spent most of the day wandering around Epcot - my how 4 years can change your perspective. The last time Marshall and I were here was 4 years ago this November. We were down in FL for his cousin's wedding and figured we would spend a few days at Disney. We weren't yet engaged and definitely no kids on the way. Neither of us had been to Disney since we were kids and it was a fun, lighthearted trip. We acted like kids, laughed a lot and had fun. This trip to Disney was one of the most bizarre experiences ever. Sure we smiled some, maybe even shared a laugh or two, but it wasn't the lighthearted trip of the past. It was weighted down with a sadness - a sadness we saw on the faces of every little boy we came across. I found myself thinking often when looking at a little boy - "why did he get to live and Nolan didn't?" We did venture over to Disney's Hollywood Studios which we thought would be a joke to us since we worked in the film business, but the Indian Jones stunt show was actually entertaining. The Star Wars simulated ride was pretty good too, although nothing still compared to the Spiderman one at Universal. We dined at a Mexican Restaurant at Epcot and then stayed for the laser light show which was spectacular. That was by far the best part of the day. The lights and fireworks were breathtaking and Marshall and I just hugged each other and awed at the grandioseness of the show. We both might still be stumbling through our life right now trying to make sense of it all, but one thing we both knew in that moment was that we were going to be alright. Whatever worries either of us had about us being able to weather the storm of stillbirth together were dried up and gone. We would make it out of this together. We would still be a family despite what children we may or may not have in the future. While we both desperately want to add children to our family, we are happy to have each other and know that if God doesn't see fit to bless us with another child we will still be okay because we have each other. And so we smiled and watched the lit up earth spin in the water and I felt a bit like Disney was depicting my life - all chaotic and exploding, the earth spinning wildly while Marshall and I just stood there, unmoving and in awe.