It took me five months to do it, but today I finally looked at the pictures of Nolan the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer took at the hospital. Marshall hadn't wanted to look at them so I hadn't been anxious to break them out either. I had thought we would look at them together, but I was finally ready and Marshall wasn't.
So, I sat back in my office, popped the CD in the computer and downloaded all the pictures onto the computer. I cried as I looked at all of them, one by one. There were pictures of our sweet boy all by himself, pictures of us holding him, and ones of him with his grandparents. The only one that had refused to hold him or have his picture taken with him had been Marshall's Dad. It was hard to look back on that day and remember that beautiful still face, but I think it was a necessary part of healing. I had been dreading looking at the pictures for so long thinking it would somehow taint the memory I had of Nolan, but it actually didn't at all. It just reaffirmed to me how sweet and beautiful he was. Far too beautiful for this earth.
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