Diego's baby

We weren't filming in the best part of town today and the apartment complex we were in was a pain in the neck to film in. We couldn't have any equipment in the apartment hallways and the apartment we were filming in was up some steps so it proved to be somewhat of a challenge.  The upside of the day for me was that we were once again working with Morgan. But, we were also working with an actor named Diego. Now I like Diego, the problem with today was it was the first day Diego was back since the birth of his son. You would think that since I am now pregnant the mention of the birth of someone else's child wouldn't be so difficult for me to swallow and yet it is. I can't really explain it. It isn't that I'm not happy for Diego and his girlfriend and their unnamed child (yeah, that's right, they haven't agreed on a name yet). I am happy that everyone is happy and healthy and the baby boy is doing well, it just makes me sad to think that my baby boy didn't have the same fate. Whenever I hear of someone giving birth to a healthy baby, it just makes me question why all over again. Why was their baby born healthy and alive and mine was stillborn? I can only hope that one day I will stop question the why and just be able to celebrate in the birth of someone else's baby with them. Perhaps, having a healthy birth myself will help me to get past this hump. But for today seeing the baby presents lined up on Diego's chair just made me sad. It made me think of all the presents piled up in our nursery and all the thank you notes I never was able to bring myself to write. I think about it lots of times that I should, and yet I still can't bring myself to do it. It seems so wrong to have to thank people for gifts they gave us for Nolan that we were never able to use.