NC - First in Flight, Last in Acceptance

Today was voting day in NC and Marshall and I decided to exercise one our most beautiful rights - the right to Vote. It felt so good to be able to vote Against Amendment One which I believe takes away not only the rights of gay people but the rights of unwed couples. Unfortunately, I fear that Amendment One will pass being that NC is such a religious state. There are so many Christians here that still believe that God intended love only to be between a man and a woman so anyone that has feelings otherwise should be bastardized and not given equal rights. It's the one thing I hate about this state. I for one have lots of gay friends that I love and believe they should have all the same rights I do. I feel sometimes as though we got past treating people of a different color skin badly and now we have moved on to treating gay people badly.

I decided today that the most beautiful thing I saw was all the posts on Facebook of everyone getting out there and exercising their constitutional right to Vote! I especially loved all my friends who took their children to teach them about this freedom we have and who taught them about Amendment One and how voting for an amendment that discriminates against a group of people is wrong. I applaud these parents for that's the type of parent I want to be. I want to teach my children right from wrong and to love and respect people no matter how different they may be from you because they are still people. Nobody deserves to be discriminated against. Everyone deserves a fair shake at life and all the freedoms and liberties that our country offers. My absolute favorite Facebook post was this picture from my friend Kari of herself and her son. The caption adjoining it read, "I voted hoping u can marry who ever u want.:) "

The rest of these pictures are some of my favorite pictures "borrowed" from my friends' Facebook pages. I hope you see the beauty in all of them like I do.

UPDATE: As of 9:30pm it does appear that Amendment One has passed.

I'm really disappointed in you NC. I thought we had moved past being judgemental and could finally accept all people as human beings that deserve the same rights as every other human being regardless of their ethnicity, religious affiliation, or sexual orientation. I guess not.

NC - First in Flight, Last in Acceptance.

Doggie Days

Today was another one of those unmotivated days, or at least that's how it certainly started. Marshall and I lounged around the house, drinking our coffee and debating whether we would actually change out of our pajamas or not. Finally, the sun came out and we decided to dust out the bikes and ride over to Mayfair. A round trip bike ride of 7 miles did us a bit of good. We stopped at Mayfair to walk around a bit and ran into our friend Reva. It was so good to see her and hug her. Reva is such a ball of energy and radiates such positivity that it did us good to see her. She commented that she didn't have my number and had been wanting to contact me but figured she would be able to when the time was right and I believe that to be true. Today was the exact moment we were meant to run into her and feel her love and positivity. I believe with Marshall about to return to work in a week, we both have been a bit down about the prospect of being apart from one another. We've been searching for something to bring us out of that and so we finally motivated ourselves to take a bike ride that would in turn make our path collide with Reva's. She was just the person we needed to see just then to make us smile and make our day just a bit brighter.

After our bike ride, Sally and Queso (or as Stacey likes to refer to them, Shells and Cheese) came over for little doggie walk date. Queso was ready to go, snorting and all. She is one of the funniest dogs I have ever met. She's part Pig, part Bull Dog, part Panther and all love. And boy does she love JoJo. It's funny to watch the dogs interact with one another and they are a great source of laughs and entertainment. After the walk, we hung outside in the gazebo and enjoyed the peacefulness of the evening. Marshall even broke out his guitar which was the first time he's been inclined to play in awhile. Right after Nolan's death Marshall picked up the guitar and the music spewed out of him and then it appeared to completely dry up. While I've found solace and comfort in not only writing this blog, but writing personal letters to Nolan in a journal, Marshall has turned away from composing and song playing. I hope tonight turned over a new leaf again and he can once again find music as an outlet for his feelings. 

He's an amazing guitarist and can write prolific poetry when he puts his heart into it. I've been pushing him for some time to get back into it and try to write songs and sell them. I think when his music career never took off, Marshall settled into just being a soundman and perhaps recording other bands but never pursing music as a career path again. I think that was a mistake. I've never met anyone as passionate and as knowledgeable about music as Marshall. He knows virtually any band that comes on the radio. He often hears an obscure artist for the first time and tells me that that band is going to be big, just wait. And within a few years, that band indeed is picked up by a big label and makes it huge. He has an ear for those things and the passion to back it up. It indeed was a beautiful thing to see as well as to hear - Marshall strumming his Gibson guitar once again. For me, Marshall's guitar playing has a soothing effect. He played the guitar to me quite frequently when I was pregnant and it always lulled the dogs to sleep. Buster in particular is a big fan of Marshall's guitar playing. Whenever Marshall pulls out one of his guitars, Buster lays in front of him and listens intently until he eventually dozes off. It was a very serene night sitting outside feeling the cool ocean breeze and listening to live guitar music. We might have been dealt a really crappy hand, but we do still have each other and our life is pretty good. Hopefully one day we will have another child that can enjoy all that we and our lives have to offer.

Hula Hooping

Yesterday while at Target, I bought a Hula Hoop. I got the idea from my Mom who had purchased one and while I was at her house yesterday I tried to Hula Hoop. As a child I was really good at it, but I apparently no longer have the skill, timing, or hips for it. Regardless, I thought it might be a fun way to try and regain some definition back to my mid section post pregnancy. Well, it indeed might if I could ever manage to keep the thing going. Just to make the experience more entertaining, I bought a light up Hula Hoop. Whenever you hoop correctly with it, it lights up. My husband certainly got lots of entertainment out of watching me attempt to Hula Hoop and the smile on his face made me smile. We might not have done much today, but the few minutes of laughter we had while first I and then Marshall attempted to Hula Hoop were well worth the $7.99 I spent on the Hula Hoop.

Supermoon Saturday

Tonight while walking on the beach viewing the Supermoon, Marshall and I decided where at the beach we are going to have Nolan's memorial service. One of the things Marshall had been so excited about buying Nolan had been a Moon - a Wall light that would change phases just like the real moon. We had also bought wall art for the nursery that read, "I see the Moon and the Moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me." It's ironic to me that tonight when the moon is at its closest to earth is when Marshall and I, who have been struggling to make any plans about Nolan's memorial service other than the date, have at last found some clarity.

While the Supermoon was mostly obscured by clouds, we did catch glimpses of it as it peeked in and out of the storm clouds. All around us in every direction of the sky were flashes of light. We wondered whether it was heat lightening the way it lit up the sky but Marshall concluded it was just God snapping his really big flash while he too took pictures of the Supermoon. As the storm clouds blew in closer to us, a calm blanketed the beach. I was surprised at the amount of people that came out to the beach to view the Supermoon and watch the unusually high tide roll in.

Smiles and Daytime Sleeping

This morning Marshall and I were asked to babysit our friend Dino's baby boy Dylan while Dino and Dylan's mom went to the stuntmen auditions for the upcoming movie Iron Man. When we arrived Dylan was still sleeping so I wasn't sure how he would react when he awoke to find us there and mom and dad gone. He quite possibly is the happiest baby ever. Not only was he all smiles when he awoke, he did nothing but smile and laugh the whole time we were with him. It was a joy to hang out with him. We had hoped that Nolan and Dylan could have been buds, but unfortunately that wasn't meant to be. Marshall still didn't hold him, but played with him plenty and enjoyed watching Dylan's amazement at the fan, his hands, the iPhone - basically anything you put in front of him. It was a bittersweet day. While we enjoyed spending time with Dylan, it made us long to be spending that time with our own son and was a reminder that we will never have moments like this with Nolan. Hopefully, we will one day have these moments with another child of our own, but only time and God will tell that. When we finally arrived home after lunch with Dino, Haley, Dylan and some of their stunt friends, Marsh was wiped out. I guess he didn't realize how much a baby really does take out of you.

os

Add caption

My Beautiful Broken Shell

Marshall and I decided to spend some time today relaxing at Wrightsville Beach and soaking up a bit of Vitamin D. 

It was a gorgeous sunny day at the beach and the Vitamin D did both of our souls some good. I spent the couple of hours just sitting and breathing in the healing properties of the salt air while Marshall surfed in his favorite spot. Our intention is to one day soon spread part of Nolan's ashes in the ocean. When we found out we were having a boy, Marshall was so excited about the prospect of one day having a surfing buddy. We did the whole nursery around that theme - ocean on the walls and surfboard bedding. Marshall felt like putting some of Nolan's ashes in the ocean would allow him to go surfing with Nolan any time, any where - after all it is one big ocean.

Each day continues to get the smallest bit brighter.

Last night I read a  book my Aunt Linda sent me - My Beautiful Broken Shell. I can only presume she read it too after my Uncle Jim passed away.  It felt very pertinent to me living at the beach. It related the beach and all the shells and other creatures in the ocean to your life and your healing process. The broken shells on the beach are representations of our broken shells when we have experienced a loss. The loss scars us but it doesn't destroy us, just as the wear and tear of the ocean has broken some shells but hasn't crushed them. So today I looked for shells on the beach, just as I normally do. But today, I didn't look for that perfect beautiful shell. I looked for the imperfect ones. The ones that have endured the hardships of the ocean and the wear and tear of the sand and are still holding strong. I looked up and down the shell laden beach for that one shell that would represent my true self now - a piece missing, but still standing strong. After picking up a few I found a pretty perfect one. A beautiful white shell, the edges smooth but strong and almost impenetrable. Everything was nearly perfect with the shell except for the huge gash taken right out of the middle of it as if something stabbed it and tore out it's heart. 

Wednesdays are the Highlight of my Week

American Idol nights have come to mean so much more than who is going to sing what and who is getting booted off this week. Last year it was usually just Susan, Stacey and me eating and watching and occassionally trying to learn how to knit. This year Shea has joined our group coupled with my Mom joining us from time to time and as of the past month Marshall too and sometimes Dino. It has turned into the one day a week we set aside time to gather. Yes we watch American Idol but the bulk of our evening is just being with each other. We dine, we sometimes drink and we always laugh and laugh some more. It is quite possibly the best group of people to have in the same room together. All these people were also the same people that lived in the hospital with us for 3 days. They are there in the good times and the bad and so are the people that bring us the greatest comfort now. They don't ask us how we are doing - they already know. Instead they come over and are real and make us feel normal again. They laugh and joke and pick on us just as they always would. For really nothing has changed and yet they know everything indeed has changed. These friends are beautiful in our eyes as only true friends can be. Even Buster sees the beauty in them, especially Stacey as he is absolutely in love with her. The minute Stacey enters until the time she leaves, Buster is constantly by her side loving on her and asking for her attention.