Day 2: Intention

Capture Your Grief Day 2: Intention

I spoke with another mom today who had also had a loss before she had her healthy baby. Our rainbow baby boys now both being toddlers we shared some laughs about them and expressed our disinterest in spending much time away from them, including working. We both have take extended periods of time off since our rainbow babies arrived. Time which to some moms might seem extensive and ridiculous, but to a mom who went through what we went through to have a healthy baby there can never be enough time. 

As time passed and my son entered the "terrible twos" I found myself forgetting to cherish all the moments with Ronan, even the trying times. My intention for this year is to remember just how precious my time with him is. In his first year this was so easy as the loss of Nolan was still so fresh in my heart. But as time passes, the heart heals and I got distracted by life. 

This next year I want to remind myself that I never know when might be my last time doing a particular thing with my son. Already, we have had our last time with things. I nursed him for the last time 6 months ago, soon I will change his diaper for the last time, and in no time I will be telling him goodnight in his room for the last time. Children grow up so quickly that we often forget that we might be doing something with them today that we will never do again for them. Tomorrow they could master tying their shoes and never need us to do it again for them. So my intention this year is to try to relax and enjoy the moment. After all, the terrible twos will soon be over and as challenging as they have been I know that in a year or two there will be many things about this special time that I will miss. 

Besides, at what other time in your life can you throw yourself on the ground in a store and throw a fit and have people walk by virtually unaffected by your tantrum. If any 40 year old did that, the cops would most likely be called! Embrace the twos! (Note: today's photo is not of a tantrum. Instead he decided to go to sleep in Petco on a cat scratching board shaped like a couch)