Bringing Baby Home

This morning while I was in the bathroom Dr. Horger came into the room and I heard him wake Marshall up by saying, "Do you want to go home today?" Yes!! Yes we do! When I came out of the bathroom he started telling me how Ronan's bilirubin levels continued to go down throughout the night so he was sending us home and we would go to his office to see him tomorrow and make sure he was still doing well. I was so excited I could hardly stand it. As soon as Dr. Horger left, Marshall and I started texting and calling everyone to tell them we were going home and I hopped in the shower to get ready to leave. Marshall started packing up the room while I showered and once I was out he started taking things down to the car. We were ready to go and had Ronan dressed in his going home outfit by the time they finally came in with his discharge papers. They made me ride down in a wheelchair and I had to hold Ronan.

It felt so good to watch Marshall put him in the carseat and for us to drive away from that hospital with our baby. We had waited a year to do this. Last year this time I cried as we drove away from the hospital empty handed. Now I was finally taking a baby home. For a year I wondered if this day would ever come, if we would be so lucky and now here it is. Marshall decided to take the scenic route home to show the boy the city he now lived in. It was nice seeing how I hadn't been outside the hospital walls in 5 days. We decided to stop at PT's on the way home and pick up some lunch for ourselves and Marshall's mom who was waiting at our house for us to arrive. We decided to all go inside and wait for the lunch to be ready and I ended up running into a professor from UNCW that I knew. He hugged us both and told us how very happy he was for us and said Ronan was just beautiful.

I felt a sigh of relief come over me when we walked into our house with Ronan. We finally had our baby home. When Marshall sat him down in his carseat, JoJo immediately came over to check him out. Marshall had brought several blankets home during the week for JoJo to smell so she could get used to Ronan's scent. She sniffed him a little and licked him and then went on her way. It will be interesting to see how she is with him as time goes by. Shortly after we got home, my friend Dawn arrived with the largest stuffed monkey you have ever seen. She had wanted to wait until we were home to come see the baby knowing that our stay at the hospital would be crazy and we would be inundated with visitors. She got to hold him and spend some of his first few minutes at home with him.

Photo Therapy

When the shift changed again at 7am, we had an older woman as Ronan's nurse. You could tell right away that she knew what she was doing and had been doing it for a long time. She talked to us about what happened that night and tried to ease our minds about everything. She said she would have to take his bilirubin level again but when she came in to do it she brought him sucrose! I asked her to stick Ronan's left foot this time since it had only 1 stick as opposed to his right one that had 5 sticks already. A few hours later Dr. Horger showed up even though he was off today. He had heard we had a rough night and he wanted to personally come in and see us and check on Ronan to ease our minds a bit. Of course it was great to see him and he was very reassuring to us. He told us worse case scenario with Ronan we will be home by Saturday. We had hopes that we would be able to go home today, but Ronan's bilirubin levels were still elevated despite the biliblanket so Dr. Horger ordered him to undergo photo therapy and another series of bilirubin tests to see how he responds to it.

Since we were stuck in the hospital another day, MaryBeth decided to come up and visit us with Susan. She brought with her a gift for Ronan - a super soft and furry blue burp cloth. She also gave us a Willow Tree statue entitled "Brothers." It was a big brother with his arms around his little brother. I was so touched that she thought to include Nolan into our lives still with this gift. It was absolutely perfect! I think some people forget that we had 2 boys and just because Nolan isn't here with us today doesn't mean that he isn't still part of our family. I will always be the mother of 2 boys. I have conceived, carried for 9 months (or nearly 9 months in Nolan's case), and birthed two children. Two children that had Nolan still lived would be considered "Irish twins" having been born less than 12 months apart. I know MaryBeth was glad to just see Ronan but after her very thoughtful gift I had really wished she had been able to hold Ronan.

Fortunately, we were able to keep Ronan in the room with us but we were only able to take him out of the incubator to breast feed. They still wanted us to supplement him with hand feeding breast milk, but they upped the dose to 30mL and required us to do that while he was in the incubator. The lactation nurse showed Marshall how to feed Ronan via bottle that would simulate the breast. Marshall ended up having to feed him 3 times via the bottle before Ronan got his heel pricked and we found out that his levels had indeed gone down by 6pm. The doctor then ordered him taken off the photo therapy overnight and his levels tested again in the morning to ensure they didn't spike back up. As soon as he was out of the incubator I couldn't wait to hold him again. I cuddled him to me and he grabbed on to Nolan's footprint and buried his head into my chest. Prior to being put into the incubator he had taken to hanging on to Nolan's footprint whenever he fed. It was one of those things that just touched my heart.

Since we weren't home for Idol night as we had hoped, the girls brought Idol night to us. Marshall's dad had made us barbecue before he came up so Marshall picked up it up when he went home to take JoJo to the vet. He also picked up a package that came for Ronan. It was from my friend Brooke. She had knitted him a beautiful blanket. The note attached said she had originally started the blanket for Nolan, but never finished it and obviously didn't when he passed but when she found out I was pregnant again she finished it. Now that Ronan was here, she put it in the mail to him. It was his first official piece of mail! Such a beautiful and thoughtful gift. Susan stopped and picked up the fixings for the barbecue - slaw and hushpuppies. I would have liked to have been home by now but I know us staying longer has been in the best interest of Ronan. That's the only thing that's getting me through still being here. Tifni came up and we told her what had happened last night. She did some digging and found out who was in the nursery working and requested her friend Deana be our nurse tonight to insure we were well taken care of tonight. When the shift changed and we met her we were at once relieved. We also met Barbara the nursery charge nurse and she was equally as pleasant. It was nice to know he was going to be well taken care of tonight and that they were going to be gentle with him.

Glow Worm

 I had hoped that we would be able to go home today but here we are still. Early this morning they came and got Ronan and preformed his circumcision. They told us he slept right through it. What a little trouper. They showed us how to change his diaper and apply the A&D ointment now to protect his circumcision. He seems pretty unphased by the procedure which I am glad for. I was really conflicted about having a circumcision done on him, but eventually we decided to go ahead and do it mostly because my husband was afraid of him being ridiculed later in school because he wasn't.

We learned today that Ronan's jaundice hasn't gotten any better so he was put on the biliblanket today. He has to remain naked with the biliblanket next to his skin and a blanket wrapped around him. It makes him look like a little glow worm but at least we are able to hold him still. Every couple of hours we have to move the biliblanket from his front to his back. Our visitors haven't slowed down at all though. Of course all of our parents stopped by at some point but also Susan and Shea came by. Tifni stopped by after work to hold him and check on us as well. Since we were here again another night, Marshall's Dad came up and brought us some homemade chili. It was delicious. I was able to get up and moving around a little bit more today although it is still really difficult for me to get up and down out of the bed.

I'm hoping that the biliblanket will be enough so we get to take Ronan home tomorrow. They said they will check his levels again in the morning and if they are still elevated they will contact the pediatrician and see what he wants to do about it. I officially got discharged tonight, but they are keeping me here and in the same room as a "nesting pair" with Ronan. The only difference is that I won't have nurses checking in on me and poking and prodding me, but they will still be coming in and checking on Ronan. Instead of the floor nurses taking care of both of us, it will be only the nursery nurses taking care of Ronan.

Well, when the shift changed for the night we were not happy with the new nursery nurses that came in to assess him. They were kind of rough with him and I could see Marshall getting more and more worried the longer they handled him. The clincher was late in the night when one of them came in to take blood from Ronan for his bilirubin test. He screamed like he had never screamed before and she looked like she was being so rough with his foot. It made me cringe. Marshall tried soothing him to no avail and then finally he told the nurse to be more gentle with him. The nurse got all defensive before leaving the room. Marshall was completely amped when she left. He handed me the baby to try to calm him down as he was still whimpering even after she left. He eventually settled down but I felt so bad when I looked at his foot and saw that she stuck him again in a foot that had already been pricked 5 times. The other foot had only 1 stick in it. Why would they keep torturing him in one foot? And why hadn't she given him sucrose like all the other nurses? Shortly after she left, the charge nurse came in to talk to us. Apparently, the nurse had told them Marshall was upset with her. We explained to her what had happened. She was very apologetic but that really didn't do much to ease our minds. Marshall told her that he didn't want Ronan leaving the room to go to the nursery for anything that they could do whatever assessments of him in the room and that he wanted a doctor to look at Ronan's foot to make sure the nurse didn't damage it. I'm now to the point where we can't get out of this hospital soon enough!

On an up note though, my milk has officially come in! I pumped two nearly full vials today which was by far the most that I have yet to pump. It's probably a very small feat in the grand scheme of things but when you keep getting more and more bad news its things like your milk coming in that make you happy. At least one thing is working like it is supposed to. In fact, the pediatrician was pleased that my milk is coming in so good and that we have been able to supplement breast feeding with hand expressing pumped breast milk to Ronan instead of formula. Apparently, the lactation consultant said that they have been having a lot of success with the new breast pump they had me using. When set on the "premie" setting it helps mother's milk come in sooner. Who knew?

Jaundice

This morning Dr. Horger the pediatrician came by to see Ronan. He assessed that he was indeed a bit jaundice and so he wanted us to start express feeding him by syringe after every breast feeding. Since I had been pumping we could use that milk instead of formula. The intent was that by giving him more milk after each feeding via syringe we would insure that he was getting plenty of fluids and help him to get rid of the billirubin in his system. Since he was having a hard time staying awake for the feedings and the circumcision can often make a baby even more lethargic afterwards, Dr. Horger decided to wait to do the circumcision until tomorrow morning. There was a possibility of doing it tonight if Ronan gets a lot better today, but most likely it won't be until the morning. Ronan's jaundice is largely due to our incompatibility of blood types. I'm O+ and Ronan is A+. Apparently with that blood type combination it is very common for the baby to have jaundice because they have developed antibodies against my blood. I didn't catch all of the ins and outs of it but that was the basic gist.

After Dr. Horger made his visit and a doctor from Dr. McLean's practice came by to see me, the hospital photographer came by to take pictures of Ronan. I went to the bathroom and tried to make myself as presentable as possible while she took pictures of Ronan and Marshall. Even though we were going to have our photographer friend Dana Hawley come by and take photos when we got home, we decided to purchase the hospital photos after seeing them on her laptop. He will change so much in the first few weeks that I want to capture all of it. If I learned nothing else from Nolan, I learned to appreciate every moment and not take any of it for granted.

Later in the morning our nurse came in to run a hearing test on Ronan and to take some blood from him. She was testing his billirubin level but was also taking a vial of blood to do a statewide standardized test that tests for several different things and we will get the results of that back when we go to the pediatrician. She was really gentle with him and he hardly cried at all when she pricked his heel for the blood sample.

My friend Jessica arrived in town from Florida this morning and came straight to the hospital to see us and meet Ronan. She ended up spending quite a bit of the day with us. In addition to the usual grandparent visitors, our friends Sally and Shea came by to watch The Bachelor with us. We ended up ordering some pizza from Michaelangelo's and Jessica and Marshall went and picked it up. With the nurses coming in and out I missed some of The Bachelor but I have to say I was surprised by his choice. Maybe he will be the first Bachelor to actually make the one he chose work. Usually the men make such horrible decisions that the relationship never lasts.

Day 1 with Ronan

I feel as though I haven't slept in days. I didn't get any sleep Friday night before our induction and last night I didn't get up to my room until after midnight. Not only did we lose an hour last night thanks to the time change, but every 2 hours (if not even more frequently) there was a nurse or CNA coming into the room to either check my vitals or the baby's or to tell me it was time to feed the baby. Sometime in the early morning hours, a nurse came in to take my catheter out and to help me to the bathroom for the first time. I had remembered from my delivery with Nolan that the first time I got up I felt a rush of blood come out of me so I was expecting that again. While there was some of that it was nowhere near the extent of last time and I am guessing that had to do with the fact that I ended up having a C-section this time. What I wasn't expecting though was the excruciating pain in my abdomen from trying to get up even with the help of a nurse lifting me up from the bed. I knew to expect it to be hard to get up and sit down, but having never felt it before I wasn't prepared for just how much it would hurt.

When I went to the bathroom I saw myself in the mirror for the first time since before the delivery and I was shocked at my appearance. The bags under my eyes were so tremendously puffy and dark black. I looked as if I had been hit by a truck. I have never in my life seen my eyes so puffy. I told Marshal I did not want any pictures taken of me while I looked like this. Just the act of going to the bathroom and back was pretty taxing and painfully, so I gladly said yes when the nurse asked me if I would like some more pain medicine and requested the 600mg of Motrin to start with. Within 30 minutes the Motrin was working great so I opted to not request any of the other two pain medicines that were available for me. Around 6am, a CNA came in to get me up and go for a walk. Who knew just walking around the hospital floor would be such an ordeal?! We walked down to the nurses station and around it down the other hall and back. I pushed my IV pole along as I walked using it and the nurse for support. My stomach felt hugely swollen and sore and my legs still felt like bricks. Every shuffle of my legs took great effort and I was glad to return back to my room and my bed where Marshall and Ronan were anxiously waiting.

As they day went on we had lots of visitors. In addition to our parents and all our friends that were at the hospital all day yesterday, our nephew Robi came by to meet the little guy. Robi had been there most all day yesterday but had left in the evening to go hang out with some friends so had missed seeing Ronan last night when he finally decided to come out. Robi wasn't the only cousin that Ronan got to meet today though as my cousins Candie and Ashley also came from Goldsboro to come meet him. Ashley was so cute watching him. When they left Marshall said he watched Ashley holding Ronan and watched her fall in love with him. Our friends Tina and Jaime also stopped by with their baby girl Harper. Harper is 7 months old and today was the first time that Marshall has ever held Harper.

Up until now he had refused to hold her as he wanted to hold his own baby first. Today though Harper practically demanded that Marshall held her as she was totally intrigued by him and virtually leaped into his arms. While Tina and Jaime were there visiting, my cousin Jay also stopped by. At one point I looked up and there were 10 people in our little room. It makes me feel great that so many people love us and are so happy that Ronan is here that they want to be a part of our joy.

Tifni was also working today so she stopped by to visit us and hold Ronan some. We are no longer on her floor since she only works Labor & Delivery but we are only 2 floors up so she was able to stop by during her day when she had some down time and again before she left for the night. It was really great seeing her and having her check on us and see how the nurses were treating us. We also had a pediatrician come by and check on Ronan this morning but since it was the weekend it was jus the pediatrician on call for a group of three pediatrician offices and wasn't actually Dr. Horger or anyone from his practice. We will see Dr. Horger tomorrow and hopefully have Ronan's circumcision tomorrow.

It was a long day and really difficult for me trying to breast feed with such a swollen and sore abdomen.  I had all kinds of pillows around me trying to prop up the baby to keep the pressure off my abdomen. We had a lactation nurse come by and help me try to get the baby to latch properly. She also had me to start pumping so that my milk would come in sooner. So now in addition to having nurses coming in and poking and prodding me and checking on my bleeding and pushing on my stomach, I also had a nurse coming in and making me pump in addition to breast feeding. I can see that with all that is now going on I'm not going to get any sleep while in the hospital. I can't get up and down out of the bed without help so Marshall tended to all of the baby's dirty diapers which was awesome. He was really excited to do it. I don't know many husbands that would act like that regardless of the condition their wife was in so I'm definitely counting my blessings that my husband is that amazing. I think even the nurses were a little perplexed as to Marshall's eagerness to change diapers.

Marshall even had the lactation nurse show him how to clean the breast pumps and put them together so he could do that for me. I'm not sure what time it was when the last of our visitors left for the day as the time seems to just slip away from me in the hospital. It's as though the hospital room is a time sucking vortex in which no time really exists and the days just run together. We did at least have a real window in our room so I was able to see if it was day time outside or not. Hopefully tomorrow Ronan will get his circumcision and then Tuesday we will be able to get to go home. By the evening time they told us that Ronan is a little bit jaundice so we are trying to get my milk to come in sooner as the more fluid he can take in and excrete the sooner he will get rid of the billirubin inside of him causing him to be jaundice. I know a lot of babies are jaundice so I'm not really concerned about it yet. I just hope it gets better quick so that we get to take him home soon. So far our 1st day with our new baby has gone well. Ronan is a good baby. He rarely cries, loves to be swaddled and loves skin on skin time with Mommy which they have us doing as much of as we can.

Labor Day

This morning I awoke at 4am and was never able to go back to sleep. That was after not going to bed until sometime after 1am last night. After laying in bed for nearly an hour, I finally got up and took a shower. At 5:30am I called up to the labor and delivery department of the hospital to see if they had a bed available for me this morning so we could start our induction. They did indeed and told me to be up there between 7:30-8am. When I texted Tifni to tell her she told me to just be there a few minutes after 7 and she would come get me when my room was ready. I started to get ready and waited another fifteen minutes before waking Marshall.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, Tifni was texting me telling me that my room was ready so come on up. When they led us into our room on the table was a bay labelled "Happy Labor Day" and a little tie onesie was laying beside it. Inside the bag was all sort of goodies - mostly chocolates and crackers. Tifni and Elyse walked in shortly after and we started the process of getting me ready for the induction. Dr. McLean texted Tifni orders to get everything going before she got there. Once we were settled in our room and my IV drip was going we started texting and calling our families to let them know what room we were in and that they could come up any time they wanted to. It didn't take long for them to start arriving at the hospital. Things were progressing pretty well and my pain level was fairly minimum so we were able to visit with our family members in my room. They only had to leave whenever the doctor came in or Tifni needed to check my cervix.

Right before lunch my contractions had become more intense so we decided to go ahead and get the epidural before Tifni's lunch break. Shortly after the epidural was administered I no longer had much control over my legs. Having had an epidural last time with Nolan, I knew what to expect including the pain of the epidural needle. I grinned and bore it knowing it would help alleviate the pain I would otherwise feel later. Afterwards, our families were let back in. It was hours later before I was dilated enough to start pushing.

After about an hour of pushing I felt as though my epidural was wearing off. The contractions were becoming more and more painful and I was becoming less and less sure I was going to be able to do it. Three hours of pushing later and virtually no effects of the epidural lingering, I was spent. So when Dr. McLean mentioned the option of continuing to try to push for another 30 minutes to see if the baby can progress past my pelvis or having a C-section, I was ready to scream, "Thank God!" I had been on the verge of asking about a C-section when I was told there was nothing more they could do for my pain. Dr. McLean left the room so we could make a decision. Marshall looked at Tifni and asked her what she thought and she just started to cry. I knew right then what her answer was. I could continue pushing for another 30 minutes but the result was going to be the same. I was eventually going to have to have a C-section in order to get this baby out. I told Marshall I wanted a C-section that I couldn't deal with the pain any more. They started making preparations for the C-section and the pain started to just become too much for me. I started getting nauseous and eventually I threw up. I knew at that point I just couldn't deal with the pain any more. They couldn't get me into that operating room quick enough.


Tifni was in there with her camera and Dr. McLean spoke to me and there were a whole bunch more people doing who knows what. They gave me some more pain killer in my epidural and quickly the pain from the contractions subsided. What did take its place was the chills. I started freezing. So much so that I was shivering uncontrollably. Tifni assured me that it was normal and to just take deep breaths. Nothing to seemed to help it though. Not the deep breaths and not the warm blankets they piled on me. Eventually a curtain went up in front of my face so I could no longer see Dr. McLean and all I could see of Tifni was her face peeping over it. Marshall was finally let into the room and he took a seat beside me. I remember someone telling me what was going on but I was so focused on how much I was shivering that I didn't even listen. Nothing about the C-section hurt. I could feel them tugging and pulling but it didn't hurt.

I do remember someone telling me there would be some pressure and then the baby would be out and I think I just held my breath. I was just waiting to hear the baby cry. I felt like a cry would mean he was okay and I could breath a little easier. It seemed like it was an eternity before I finally heard his cry but when he did finally cry, boy did he cry. I was so relieved I just started crying with him and I couldn't stop. Someone brought the baby around in between me and Marshall for us to see him. He was still covered in blood and was all wrinkly and gross. I couldn't see him that well as I couldn't move my head around any further to see him. After the baby went away, they took Marshall with him and a nurse sat back down beside me. She kept reassuring me that the baby was great and healthy.

I next saw the baby briefly when Marshall sat down beside me with him. He was all cleaned up now and swaddled in a blanket. I wanted to just touch him but I couldn't as my arms were still out straight on the operating table. It didn't seem like they were there very long before Marshall and the baby went somewhere while the doctors continued to sew me back up. I don't know if it was the drugs or the rollercoaster of emotions I was on, but most of what took place in the operating room remains a blur to me. What I remember clearly was how cold I was and how I couldn't control my shivering and the sound of hearing my baby cry for the very first time and the uncontrollable crying that came out of me as a result.

I'm not sure how long it took them to finish with me in the operating room, but Marshall later told me it was another 30 minutes or so before I joined him in the recovery room. By the time I got to the recovery room I was still shivering from the cold, although it was becoming less and less. They replaced my blankets with fresher, warmer ones and eventually they let me hold my baby. He was so beautiful! Words couldn't even describe the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time. I just couldn't believe that finally after all we had been through in the last year that I was holding my healthy son in my arms. Ronan Finlay McGee was born at 8:27pm on Saturday, March, 9, 2013. He weighed 8lbs 1oz and was 20 3/4" long. I'm not sure how long they allowed me to hold him before they had me try to breast feed him some. He latched on with their help and started to feed.

Once he was done, the nurses then asked us if we wanted to let our family come in. Marshall went to go get everyone. I was surprised when he returned that everyone was still here. I had no idea how late it really was at that point but I figured it must be close to midnight. The grandparents took turns holding him. Everything was still pretty much a blur to me but eventually someone gave me the baby back and we were moved upstairs to the 3rd floor. When we got into our room I looked at the clock and it was nearly 1am! Yikes. My Dad and his friends came in briefly when we got to our room and then we were left alone for the night. The nurses kept coming in every couple of hours to take our vitals and to help me breast feed. I don't think I slept at all that night but I didn't care. My baby boy was here and he was healthy and that is all I've waited over a year to have.